Dali Drama

Stupidity & Falling Skies Season 1: A Review

2011-08-10T20:54:00.000-07:00

Falling Skies is an entertaining series that is deeply riddled with problems (at least, so far with season 1). I love post apocalyptic stories and I love space aliens, so combining the two is a nice touch and won my attention. With season 1 now finished, I am conflicted with this series, but I must say I watched the entire season and plan to watch season 2 (I cant say the same for "V"). I love the premise and the overall narrative, but am extremely frustrated with so many items scattered throughout the show. Granted it is a worthy show (albeit not great) but worth continuing. Below are my problems with season 1:

SPOILER WARNING: SEASON 1 SPOILERS

Screaming Uncontrollably to Blow Your Cover

This happened twice that I can remember off hand and it was just so incredibly stupid:

Scene 1:

The first was when the gang took a day trip to rescue some kidnapped kids (one of which being Noah Wiley's son). They had a strict plan of attack. Note: all the kids have an alien harness attached to them so they are drones and they are all overlooked by several aliens in mech warriors - something you can't do much to. So when they are hiding nearby, watching the kids do your standard slave labor, one of the guys sees HIS son! Can you believe it?? We'll, this is an interesting plot point if they didn't throw up on it: this guy starts SCREAMING his son's name. Now, this act is stupid for three reasons: 1 - his son is a DRONE and won't react and 2 - you are calling attention to you, and everyone else on the mission, and 3 - you just threw the plan off coarse and will be responsible for the death of your team, if not everyone. THEN, as if you thought the stupidity was over, he jumps up and runs over to his son. THEN, before he just grabs his son and runs away, he tries to talk and reason with him with conversation, as if it cant wait until they both aren't about to be killed. "ITS ME! DAD!"

Scene 2:

Near the end of the season, a few guys go on a mission to scout and they make a discovery (and awesome one - probably the best of the season) - that the aliens they were fighting all along are actually ENSLAVED by another alien-species. Later in the episode the gang finds a stranded woman who lives by herself. She in turn, is in communication with the aliens: she trades insider (human) information about the resistance or any human movement in exchange for food and to not be killed. The guys find out the hard way as they are almost killed and track back to the woman to find out what is going on and when they do, they wait for the alien to show up and communicate with her. A nice touch about this show is the communication between aliens and humans (when it happens) is through enslaved children (the drones). They control the kids and speak through them, etc. So (getting to my point), the crew is waiting in this woman's house and a small girl arrives at the door and delivers food. The girl (a drone child controlled by an alien) and the woman have a short conversation. The crew realizes two things: an alien (a BAD ASS superior alien) is standing next to the girl and that the girl is someone they know. What does the crew do? Well, Noah's son goes apeshit and starts SCREAMING that they have to save her! The rest quickly muzzle him and pin him down until the alien and girl leaves. Again, this is stupid for the plain fact that he is going to get everyone killed.

Surely there are better ways to express extreme emotional change than blatant screaming that is so obviously stupid as to get everyone killed.

Crowds of Pure Joy and Ecstasy

You know in movies or shows when there is a crowd and something good happens and everyone cheers? Have you ever realized how fake and stupid this is? Like when an evil villian says his master plan and all his goons start laughing? LAUGHING! Pretty dumb, right? Falling Skies does this alot. While everyone may be happy, not everyone needs to scream in joy, wave their arms about, and hug each other as if they are experiencing the most profound orgasm.

No need for specific examples here because this happens a lot. A LOT. A crowd of people are gathered and something good happens. Either they discover something new or the captain gives good news. What happens? EVERYONE makes noise. EVERYONE throws their arms up. EVERYONE moves around. Have you ever done this? While this is a standard movie cliche and helps the audience understand that the people are happy, it's over the top and fake (and stupid, of course). Keep an eye out for these scenes and pinpoint ONE GUY in the crowd and watch him and see what he does. Kinda stupid when you see him individually instead of as the collective group, right?

OVERALL THOUGHTS

Not everyone needs to do something. While it's a cliche that you may feel needs to happen because a silent crowd is bad, we don't need to be looking at a crowd that is similar to Green Bay Packer fans at the super bowl.
A lot of times, this is after a death or something terrible, so it contradicts how they should really be feeling (or they should be seeking immediate help!) "Didn't 5 guys just die 5 minutes ago? Who cares. YIPPEE!"

Mech Warriors and Their Loud Noise

These things are cool, but do they need to make a loud noise ALL the time? The sound is iconic and frightening, but tells everyone where it is! Yes they have loud foot steps and rattle the nearby area, but why the noise? What causes it and why does it emit it so often? It's as if they want everyone to know where they are.

Characters (or lack there of)

Noah (right) is the only character we care about and he does a damn good job in this show. We care about him because... well, uh- I don't know. Why do we? Because he does an amazing job acting? Probably. Also, because he is the only rational person in this show (for the most part if you don't include the chick he totally tongue tied at the end of the season). That's a bad reason to like someone. To be fair, he is loyal and hard working, etc, etc, so he has a least some connect-ability (since we saw this happen and experienced it with him). But everyone else on this show is pretty much a pointless character. In fact, they not only have no character, they are stricly "character conflicts." I made that up just now: they are pre-determined personas that we can't relate to because we are told who they are and they just react predictably so we don't care. That and they act so OVER THE TOP to their "conflict destination" (made that up too) that its very frustrating. Below are a few problematic characters (of the many):

NOAHS YOUNGEST SON

This kid is really annoying. Every line out of his mouth is "i wanna fight," or "I wanna help," or "I wanna be a big boy!" We get it. Shut the hell up or say something to make us want to not punch you in the teeth.

STEVEN WEBBER

He was in a few episodes as a "nemesis" to Noah. How do we know this? Because someone told us. "Oh man, those two don't like each other!" We didn't have enough interaction between the two. So, aside from "knowing" this guy is a dick, he continues to be 200% dick when they capture an alien (a sub-alien, not one of the super ones). There is a classic argument between Webber and a rational chick

CHICK

We should communicate with this alien so we can learn more about it.

WEBBER

KILL IT!

CHICK

But if we learn about it we can learn why they are here and/or learn how to kill them better.

WEBBER

KILL IT NOW!

CHICK

I am going to talk to this thing and try and save humanity.

WEBBER

I AM GOING TO KILL IT NOW! AARRRRGGGGH!"

RELIGIOUS GIRL

There is a girl who is religious on this show! WOW! Her only point so far is to tell people to have faith in God. Again, that's all she does and since she does nothing else, it's over the top. Also, all conversations are so pointlessly generic and stupid that you want to fast-forward when she is on screen.

BOY

Why do you pray?

GIRL

I pray to God for everything I am grateful for.

BOY

Why, we are dying? humanity is nearly extinct.

GIRL

Yes but we have lots to be thankful for.

BOY

Oh wow, I see things differently now, thanks.

MAN

What does God have to do with the 10% of your day not living in pain or fear?

CRICKETS
Chirp.

CAPTAIN

Will Patton, the guy who was the lead villain in the postman is the lead captain in this show. I distinctly remember him because when I saw that terrible movie I thought "Wow - this movie is horrible and the main villain was horrifically miscast! While he is amazing, he looks like a big teddy bear and I want to hug him!" So with his casting slot as a captain, I like it. He can be nice and a dick but he is ultimately a good guy. So - my problems with this guy is that since he is a "captain" he obviously needs to create conflict by going against logic (Noah). There are a lot of internal conflicts (between humans) in this show for a series about defending the human race against invading space-aliens. While he is a good character, a lot of it is illogical, the most frustrating aspect being the last episode:

This guy becomes irrational because he is addicted to sleeping and waking pills. He becomes delusional and with the plan of a final attack against the aliens, he is about to lead everyone to a suicide mission since he is covering up the fact a few other armies (they are supposed to join) have been killed. Noah tries to stop him and gets locked up but eventually saves the day. How? He talks to the captain at gunpoint and he magically changes his mind. I DONT CARE ABOUT THIS! (I said to myself throughout most of the episode).

PROBLEMS:

The two make-up and are friends again instantly (cute) despite they wasted a lot of time and captain is a big dick (the bad kind)
Captain says he stopped taking the pills. WHAT? So why was he acting CRAZY? WHAT IS THE EXPLANATION TO THIS?
They go on the suicide mission anyways but instead of leading men blindly into it, he is upfront and asks for volunteers instead of commanding everyone. This results in the SAME crowd who would have gone to go anyways and the same results happen!

OVERALL (Characters)

Too much of this show is based on internal conflict. Or at least TOO much of the internal conflict is forced, over the top, and stupid. I am not against the human conflict and I agree that a large portion of the show should be humans only, but this season was a little too much. Everyone always has a problem with everyone else! That and too many characters are just extreme personalities with a purpose only to create conflict. I DON'T CARE. Make the people more human and give them interesting, realistic dialog about their lives or the world, etc - THEN jump into why they don't trust each other or why they would risk the lives of hundreds of people to prove a stupid point.

HUMANS KILL EACH OTHER

Two kids who were drones are saved and back as normal, but they have some problems. One is more of a problem because he still feels connected to the aliens. This kid acts and feels like he belongs with the aliens and pities the human race for "killing each other" since aliens "would never do that."

I highly doubt that ANY advanced species stop killing each other. (or have never from day 1). YES, in an advanced civilization the majority can be good but not everyone can achieve bliss and therefore, some will resort to crime or murder to stay alive, etc. While this is an argument for philosophy, this doesn't fit into reality for me.
WHAT?? This kid was a SLAVE to the SLAVES of the SUPERIOR ALIENS. What does he know about anything? What is he basing this from? He loved his slaved leaders who were slaves themselves? Maybe he feels a connection but... it sounds pretty stupid. (and this was an episode cliffhanger!)

Make-up on the Hot Chick

As you can probably guess, there is a hot chick on the show. What you may not predict is that she hasn't found a pool or lake to swim in yet. She hasn't even worn anything that revealing! And you thought they hit up ALL cliches! The problem with her is that she is in FULL MAKE UP. All actors need makeup because of lighting and image capture, etc - but she has the full REVLON thing going on. Instead of giving her makeup to keep her logically attractive, they decided to give her full blown make-up so on camera, it looks like she spent 45 minutes in the morning applying it to her face. This makes no sense because 1 - there isn't make-up in their environment and 2 - she has no purpose or time to apply it. Most movies do this, but at LEAST it is under normal circumstances.

Naked Aliens

There are two alien species so far - both are naked. Why? They don't wear clothes? Even our cavemen wore clothes! There are theories that as a species evolves they will turn into bundles of energy without mass. So somewhere along the line we will lose interest in sex and our genitals will be rendered useless and fall off - maybe. Whatever your theory of evolution is or how far advanced these aliens are, they are still physical forms and whether or not they have sex, they most certainly go to the bathroom to some degree (so there are some parts they may have shame with). Why do both not wear clothes? Maybe because they look more badass without wearing their favorite lucky red baseball cap.

SEASON 2 THOUGHTS

The ending of the season 1 was a very nice touch. Noah successfully blows a ship up as it is landing in the alien structure over Boston and this grabs the attention of the super aliens, who land a ship in front of Noah's joyride back home and ask him (through the same drone girl - apparently she is their favorite) to join them in their ship. Noah says no and the aliens say "you dont have much of a choice. For some reason, Noah is still under the impression that it is still a choice AND this choice must be made in order to save his son, Ben. Um, what about the human race? Or the fact you dont have a choice?

Woops-sorry, I was talking about the end being a nice touch. IT WAS. Of course the aliens want to pick his brain since he is sort of in charge of the most successful resistance effort yet. Aliens want to figure out how to make it all stop. While plenty of people complain its a "Close Encounters" ending or others say "how stupid it doesn't make any sense," I say it makes perfect sense and just because he gets on the ship doesn't mean its the same thing as Close Encounters. The overall concept of this show is great, they just need to stop doing these cliches that nearly ruin the show!

What I would like to see in Season 2

More of Pope (character). He conveniently lived and is one of the few genuine "characters" on the show. Plus, there is great room for his character to grow and evolve.
Noah has to ask to use the bathroom when on board the alien ship.
The alien's questions to Noah on the ship needs to be similar to the scientist questions to Woody Allen in "Sleeper"
Answers about what the aliens want and where they come from (not too much though).
Details about the skidders (the sub-alien-species).
The 2nd Mass (current group of humans) find a way to communicate long distance with other humans
Hot chick wears less make-up (and less clothes maybe? She can get into a fight and tear something...)
Religious girl loses a hand (maybe a limb every season?)
There should be a cut-away episode that follows the Taliban
Aaron Eckhart needs to make a guest appearance
What makes humanity worth saving? (a good topic to bring up)
Let's see some awesome super-alien mind-bending long-cons! Since they are in communication with us now, they should have some badass tricks up their sleeves. They have lived far longer than humans have, so their history books must be piled high with all the tricks and cons of warfare. Let's see something brilliant (that only Noah can stop).

An open letter to Panasonic about the VW-BC20

2011-08-09T10:50:00.000-07:00

Panasonic,

Your product, the Panasonic VW-BC20 is still unavailable. Will an entire year go by when no one can buy this who already owns the camera? Not only do you not include this in your 900 series camcorders (totally lame) but you wont even allow people to buy it for the rediculous retail price of $60.

THIS SUCKS!

Sincerely,
David Goodberg

Tom Hanks confirms Sequel to 1988's BIG with 'Little Dandy: Big 2'

2011-04-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

Amidst rampant rumors over the last 10 years, Tom Hanks announced today that the long awaited sequel to the iconic smash-hit "Big" (1988) will film this summer. "James [Brooks] and I have been trying to get this thing off the ground for years and it's finally happening. We are all very excited," Hanks told E! news.

The detailed plot surrounding "Little Dandy: Big 2" is yet to be announced but producer James L. Brooks shed some light on what to expect. "Big was essentially a science-fiction film when you think about it but few people thought of it as such, so we want to make that theme more relevenat in the sequel," Brooks said. "Terminator 2 was essentially the same thing as Terminator 1 with a few added elements and we want to play off the similarities between the franchises. Big 2 takes place in the year 2030 and Josh Baskin is 55 years old and still very much in love with Susan, played by Elizabeth Perkins, who is imprisoned for her satutory rape of Josh. The two are very much in love but the complexity of the relationship takes a toll on Susan's mental stability and no longer finds herself attracted to Josh as he ages through his mid fifties. It's a very character rich script and I can't go into the specific details, but Josh makes a wish to be a dandy again to win back Susan's heart. His wish comes true and he becomes a 32 year old man. For the scenes of Josh as a 32 year old we will utilize unused footage from the original Big along with Hank's other early films, including, 'Punchline,' 'Everytime We Say Goodbye,' and 'The Money Pit,' all of which we bought the rights to. Jack Nicholson was attached to star as a rival dandy who has shed 40+ years off his life and we were going to use clips from his earlier works, but he dropped out. He is really pissed at me for some reason."

Little Dandy: Big 2 is scheduled to begin filming in July and McG is slated to direct.

PARIS PASS: A DETAILED REVIEW

2011-04-20T20:49:00.000-07:00

Paris Pass Website

http://parispass.com/

I recently visited Paris for 9 nights (split in the middle with a trip to Italy) and purchased a 4-day Paris Pass for both myself and my wife to enjoy the museums and places of interest. This came highly recommend to us and we were deciding whether to buy it or not...until one day, they held a 2-day sale so we took advantage without thinking much more about it - to save the 10%. Turns out they do this 10% gimmick often - worked for me, right? I immediately bought a pass for each of us and as soon as I purchased the passes I had an initial feeling of doubt. We just paid $370 for 4 days worth of museums (and this was the sale price!). Was this a deal? I quickly did some math and crunched some numbers on the museums we would want to visit and the museums we could actually visit (you can't visit 10 museums in a day, obviously). With our sale price of $370, this requires us to spend $47 a day, which isn't too bad. But that's only to break even!

Here's the kicker: all museums cost 8-12 Euros. You can't visit more than 3 museums in a day (sometimes only 1 or 2 depending) without already being pressed for time, since museums are often only open from 10-6pm and Mondays or Tuesdays are days many museums are closed, you may be out of luck to save money or time with this bundle.

Basically, if you visit 3 museums a day (and most places you won't want to run in and out within 30 minutes so three is plenty) you will be saving $42 in museum costs plus a few extra bucks on the free metro pass. This is nearly the same as doing it on your own pace (breaking even in cost, and that's on the 10% sale price).

Of course, this is more than just a "get into museums free." You get a free metro pass for zones 1-3 (which is NOT explained well at all on their website: zones 1-3 cover most of paris and is not related to districts). This pass often took 2-3 times through the machine at each station to work, but it served us well. You also get a 2-day red bus pass, which we didn't use since its a cheap gimick, but this is one of their highlights of saving you 27 Euros!

If I were to do it again, I would not have purchased this. Why? It didn't save us either money or time. Yes, we skipped two lines and didn't have to pay each time, but we broke even at best. Plus, we were in Paris for 9 nights and had to cram in all museums in a mere 4 days just to use the pass and make sure we broke even (something which was a waste to constantly think about) verse going when we want and spacing things out. This was nothing but stress to try and schedule everything to merely not loose too much money.

Don't be fooled into thinking there are countless items in this Paris Pass deal. A lot of it is junk. River boat cruise? We did it because it was on our list but I would not recommend it. It was cheap, basic, nothing much to it, and slammed with 10 different tour busses and schools and noisy as hell. I am glad I went, but it was nothing special. This is the same for half of the museums on this list. Not to mention their raving about discounts around the city, which are mere 10% off and terrible gimicks like "free ice cream with purcahse of full-priced entree at this chain restaurant." These aren't savings: they are gimicks for you to waste your money. If they were truly savings, they would offer you more than a 10% discount or wouldn't require you to spend a lot of money for a cheap $2 reward.

MY ADVICE:

Do your math before buying. List out all museums you WANT to see and how much it would cost for you to see them with the Pass and then on your own (also consider your restricted time frame on the Paris Pass)
If you buy this, don't pay full-price. They will do that silly 10% off sale here and there.
The Louvre and Palace of Versailles are two attractions that can take up an entire day (if your daily pro-rata Paris Pass allocation requires at least 50Euro to be on track, visiting these two museums will cost you triple the money! If you have extra days in Paris, visit these two places outside of your Paris pass days so you can get more bang for your buck when you stay central. Other museums are large, but these are the largest and can easily take up most of the day.
If you decide to buy this pass, make sure you don't use it on both a Monday and Tuesday since many museums are closed on one of those days.

OVERALL:

It's a neat idea, but it's a gimick that won't save you any time or money. I was frustrated to cram in everything "on the clock" when I could have spent the same (if not.. LESS) money doing it, and doing it on my own timeline without constantly worrying about losing money. With our discounted passes, we had to spend $47 a day in order to "break even." If we saw 3 museums and used the metro a few times, this would... BREAK EVEN. It's hard to do more than that between 10AM and 6pm. I spent a lot of time planning out the best options and schedules each day of when to see things, which was a waste of vacation planning and the vacation itself. I ended up not saving money, and spending too much of my vacation worrying and stressing about losing money on this. In the end, we lost a little bit of money for this waste of time.

Save your time and stress in researching this gimick and pass on the Paris Pass.

TOP TIPS TO KNOW BEFORE VISITING FLORENCE, ITALY

2011-04-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

I just visited Florence, Italy and here are a few things I could not find online prior to my trip, so I hope this helps someone out there. The information below is current as of April 2011, so keep in mind the current date. Also, EU = EUROS.

1 - AIRPORT TRANSPORTATION

Take a taxi. The airport is just outside the city and its a quick drive and the service my hotel recommended had a 20-EURO flat rate fee plus 1-EU per bag, so our total was 22-EU. This is a tiny airport (probably the smallest I have EVER been in) so if you look into those shared vans/shuttles, you will not only pay more, but will have to wait for a designated pick-up time (every 2 hours) and THEN drop other people off before you. Not worth it - go with a cab. BEST to ask your hotel for their recommendation on a service for the cheapest rate. Remember, it’s a pretty quick drive. The 20EU service we used (and I was able to make the reservation myself) is through TAXI 4930 at http://www.4390.it/2009/

2 - METRO: BUS/TRAIN

Florence doesn't not have a subway system, only busses. Buses cost 1.20EU and you need to buy the tickets before you get on the bus. You CAN buy them on the bus, but then they cost 2EU each. These tickets are different than the standard magnetic strip & scan system you find in major USA cities. They are basic tickets that you get time-stamped on the bus when you first board to show when you boarded. You then have 90 minutes to use that ticket on any other line (free transfers). I was very confused where to buy the ticket at first, thinking it was a magnetic system and also looking for a Kiosk at select stores. This is not the case. Tickets are sold at virtually every tobacco/lottery shop and are sold by the cashier, just ask for "bus biglietti" and they have a book of them. For maps and info, go to the bus website at http://www.ataf.net

3 - LANGUAGE

While this is not as "hot" of a tourist spot as Rome, it is still flooded with tourists and many restaurants and services cater to tourism. Most people speak English, so don't worry, but don't assume (or be ignorant...) that everyone will speak it or speak it well. Know your basics: questions, directions, restaurant lingo, etc. Always best to speak a few sentences first before asking if they speak English – it’s the polite thing to do.

4 - TRAINS TO OTHER CITIES

If you are in Florence for more than a couple days, you should take a day trip. The city has numerous museums, but it’s not that big and you should explore. I must say the museums here are above expectations as I only had a few in mind to visit and there was so much more. Basically, you can see the city in a day, but to see all the museums will take a long time. If you are here strictly for the museums, great, otherwise take a day trip or two.

TRAINS: you can buy an ALL-ITALY pass before your trip through EURORAIL.COM. I did this and was happy about it. EXCEPT… it was more expensive than doing it in person. Since this is a service that helps you manage your trip, you pay more for it. Also, we bought a 2-person all-Italy pass for 1^st class. Then… some trains require reservations because they fill-up, so you need to buy your seat reservation too, so the prices add up. While I don’t know the best way to go about it: do your math. If you don’t need a special ticket, don’t buy a special ticket, especially if you are not going on any wild adventures or multi-city tour. You can always buy your individual train tickets through tranitalia. If you want to take trains to other countries, they have passes for this too, so check it out. ALSO, my last note on Eurorail, is that we didn’t plan ahead too well and didn’t make our seat reservations far enough in advance (we already started our trip and were in Paris before heading over to Italy). The cost of all our seat reservations came out to $166 through Eurorail, but they could not let us buy them because they required to print them out from their offices and mail them to us, which was too late (1 week in advance…). This made us panic but we stepped into the Florence train station on day 1 and bought the reservations without a problem days before our travels. And get this, it only cost 46-EU, which is approx $65…. A HUGE discount compared to that Eurorail wanted to charge us (good thing we planned poorly on the reservation front!) All good things, visit the site at http://www.eurail.com

5 - RESTAURANTS

There are good places and bad. Obviously, the expensive places are very nice and the cheap ones are well, cheap. We found a great sandwich shop we returned to that was cheap, and we ate at a few quick places that were sub-par. In Venice, we found a great Kabob place that was DIRT CHEAP and was great. Price doesn’t dictate quality, but one thing sure does: location. You will notice a lot of SH*T near the tourist landmarks: bad food, crazy un-related merchandise (fake Rolexes near the tower of Pisa? Gimmie a break). If you are randomly walking around looking for a place to eat (without any recommendations from books or online) try to find a place not on a tourist street, away from a tourist hot-spot, that doesn’t cater toward convenience of hot, sweaty, loud tourists. Even one block away from a tourist "route" will house many great looking places. Now, remember that Europe is really old, so it’s possible a restaurant has been there hundreds of years before the street turned into a shameful tourist crowd, so don’t disregard anything. We ate at a few good places in Italy, and a few bad. The good were not in the path of tourists from point A to point B. Look up what books say is good and decide for yourself if they are worth going to. I’d say of the fun places we tried, half we stumbled upon and the others were one of the many mentions in a travel book. Another note, if you are searching online, see what college kids from the USA eat at - they will write their review in English and on English forums/review websites and are great means to find places that appeal to you.

6 - FLORENCE AIRPORT HELP

As I mentioned above with the TAXI being best for the Florence Airport, when we landed we had a reservation for a shared van, which was not pleasant. We were scheduled for the 3PM departure, but I was told a guy would have a sign with my name on it. This did not happen and instead of jumping outside and frantically looking for the van about to leave, I looked around for the guy with the name sign (since this is what I was told to do). Never found him and in my print outs I saw that the next shared van pick-up was 5pm. TWO HOURS away for a 20-25 minute drive! I was very upset (and realized how much of a crock these shared vans were in Florence – again, get a taxi, you can find one for a 20EU flat rate). There is an APT office for tourists in the airport and they have all sorts of maps and they speak English. Even if you already have your transpo sorted out (which is what most people are in the office for) this is a great place to stop by: maps, multi-linguists, and helpful information. It’s a small airport so it’s easy to find.

7 - POWER & WALL SOCKETS & CONVERTERS

I figured this out before the trip but it took a while to researtch, so here it goes: Europe electrical outlets give out 240volts when USA only gives out 140voltes or so. THEREFORE, if your electronics are not equipped to handle the 240, they will blow up. So when traveling, you need to do two things:

1 – See what electronics you want to bring will handle the 240 volts

2 – if they CAN handle 240 volts, buy the appropriate adapter (so your prongs will fit into the wall)

There are two things to know here: adapters and converters. An adapter is a simple $5 plug that allows you to plug in your USA cords to European outlets (makes the prongs fit). This is only good if your items can handle 240volts. Most important things can: battery chargers and computers and smart phones (but always best to check first). If you need a power converter (reduced power to USA so it won’t blow up) these are hard to find, heavy, and not really worth it. Most expensive electronics are good for 240voltes and if your cheap ones (hair dryers, etc) don’t, its probably best to buy a cheap one when you land.

Most of the European Union has a standard 2-prong outlet, but Italy has a 3-prong outlet. Now I don’t know how it works across the country, but the two prongs MAY OR MAY NOT work in Italy (it all depends on the specific wall outlet size, etc). I bought a special Italy 3-prong converter for my USA items and it worked fine, but noticed that the lamps in the hotel were 2-pronged. No idea what the country does, but the $10 investment for 2 adapters was well worth it.

I hope this helps SOMEONE out there – let me know!

Top Ten Reasons The Simpsons are NOT Catholics

2010-10-21T00:52:00.000-07:00

The Vatican announced that the Simpsons are catholic. I find this to be a load of bull for too many reasons. It's an obvious publicity stunt with no logic behind it. I think they should try and make connections to Glee and Twilight, although musical theater and demons would be tough to relate to the Catholic Church (or... on second thought....)

The Simpsons is as PRO religion as is is ANTI. This is a wonderful mix and truly a perfect balance of embracing and critiquing the unknown. The fact the Vatican would do this and tack their name on to something popular for attention is beyond insulting and disgusting.

REASON 10

The Vatican is a bit deceiving and full of it quite often. They are only reading into situations they want to and interpreting them in ways they want to understand. (sound familiar?)

REASON 9

How often do you see characters in a confessional?

REASON 8

Bart is still a virgin

REASON 7

Doesn't the Vatican HATE The Simpsons? Where is this coming from since? While I remember an enormous outrage when the Simpsons first aired, a number of groups hated the show and I am pretty sure the Vatican was on that list claiming the show is anti-family. While the examples below doesn't reference the actual "Simpsons" entirely, it does question why they want to throw this new news into the public since the Simpsons is just as anti as they are pro (religion in general, not catholic specifically)

SUPER BOWL EPISODE

A super bowl commercial depicts a nerdy driver pulling into a gas station and beeping for service. Three seductive beauties slither to his assistance and proceed to make the act of opening the hood, washing the windows, and pumping the gas a sensuous experience. As the lucky guy notices a crucifix hanging around the neck of one of the women, the voiceover says, "The Catholic Church - we've made a few - changes." In a subsequent airing, it just became "the church."

The spot was merely intended to poke fun at the much-hyped Super Bowl ads, but the Los Angeles Times reports that the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights wasn't amused. After the network received an influx of incensed letters from the League, Simpsons exec producer Mike Scully says that he was given an ultimatum by Roland McFarland, Fox's vice president of broadcast services. Either the voiceover could be changed (as it ultimately was), or Scully could change the entire reference to religion. When Scully resisted, he says that McFarland suggested that "Catholic" be replaced with any other denomination: "Methodists, Presbyterians, or Baptists."

CATHOLIC BRAINWASHING?

The Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights has protested segments of the show on a number of occasions.

In one episode dealing very specifically with the Church, Bart is sent to Catholic school as a last resort. Bart is impressed and soon begins to show an interest in Catholicism. Homer, sent by Marge to intervene, finds Bingo so attractive that he threatens to convert as well.

Marge goes berserk when told that this could mean that Homer and Bart would be in Catholic heaven, while she will be in Protestant heaven. In a very funny bit, Protestant heaven is pictured as a dull croquet game among snotty WASPs; Catholic heaven is dancing with the booze flowing. The vignette is reminiscent of Hilaire Belloc’s poem "The Catholic Sun":

Wherever the Catholic sun doth shine,
There’s always laughter and good red wine.
At least I’ve always found it so.
Benedicamus Domino!

Marge’s response is to send Reverend Lovejoy, Ned Flanders and Groundskeeper Willie to kidnap Bart and Homer so they can be deprogrammed from Catholic brainwashing.

REASON 6

The argument for them being Catholics is that "The family recites prayers before meals and, in their own peculiar way, believes in the life thereafter." Only Catholics do this, right? How about the fact that Lisa is a Buddhist (yes, not a religion but a lifestyle that the Western world sees as a religion) and the parents support her. Would the Vatican support their members to have Buddhist children who question the existence of God? (I'm talking about Lisa if you haven't seen any episodes).

REASON 5

Homer proved on paper that God doesn't exist. Sounds like a bad "true Catholic."

REASON 4

Reverend Lovejoy has not raped or sexually harassed/assulted a young boy (although, this would make an amazing episode if you ask me).

REASON 3

Why do they always refer to themselves as Christians and not Catholics? This happens in just about one in every four episodes.

REASON 2

Bart: I'm starving! Mom, can we go Catholic so we can get communion wafers and free booze?
Marge: No, no one's going Catholic! Three children is enough, thank you.

REASON 1

The Simpsons is a satire of American life and in doing so, live as average Americans in an American culture: they don't live in a specific state, they don't have specific political affiliations, and they are generic Christians. Meaning, their lives are nothing more than a generalization of everything, including religion.

Online (Flash Video) FLV into QT

2010-10-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

I am quite proud of myself for figuring this one out - I needed to download a streaming flash video online and convert it into a Quicktime (QT). Here is the break down on how to do it on a MAC (there are several free programs you can download for windows that I was not able to try).

1 - Using FIREFOX, download and instal a FLV (flash) downloader. I believe there are two or three, but the one I used was KARBON and can be downloaded here

2 - Install PERIAN, you can download it here. Perian is a free, open source QuickTime component that adds native support for many popular video formats.

3 - Regular quicktime probably won't open the FLV file, but Final Cut Pro (FCP) will. You are all set, unless you don't have FCP.

Movie Posters to DVD Posters

2010-10-10T12:24:00.000-07:00

While I am obsessed with movies, I am also obsessed with their posters. A movie poster says a lot about a movie, just like how the facade or identity text/logo says a lot about a company or restaurant. While I realize that the filmmakers who made the movie have nothing to do with both the posters and DVD covers, people are still making these decisions. And these people should be shot.

It's unbelievable that so many movies have amazing posters created for their cinematic release to then have them transformed into blood curdling, terrible, amateur DVD covers. While this should be taken with a slight grain of salt since DVDs have to cater toward consumer purchases and how to market an in-store purchase (or on-line), it makes sense that they sometimes change, but now it's disgusting that all movie posters change for the DVD (and for the worse).

Think about it this way - lots of movie posters have fantastic artistic design and their cinematic poster can be seen as a work of art. For a DVD, it transforms into a simple marketing gimmick. Why have an artistic, conceptual poster when the DVD cover can just have peoples faces? I mean, that's the selling point right? A famous actor really isn't TRULY the best person for the part, but if they are talented and popular, it sells the movie! I find this concept of faces, as already mentioned, disgusting. The studios take an amazing poster and chop it up. They change the font of the film (often a new creation just for the film) and change it into something bland and boring (or a rip-off of something else - think how they change an "L" into a GUN like they did with Pulp Fiction) and take bad still of an actor's face, poorly photoshop it, and make a bad collage for the DVD cover.

The music execs truly screwed up their entire industry by not understanding what the internet was until it was too late. One day they woke up and realized that there is this thing for computers that allows people to exchange any musical CD at no cost, and this had been going on for 15 years! The movie industry did a little better, but it's still pretty bad. You'd think that since the music industry lost the battle (that they should have easily won) against the internet, they would create hi-def CDs (much like the blu-rays for music). You know the difference between VHS and bluray? Well, music is still at VHS quality and the labels don't care for a reason I cannot comprehend. The larger a file format is, the more difficult it is to steal! That, and when something is at high quality, people will want to buy it so they can experience it (like a bluray disc vs. a bad rendering stolen from the internet). It also necessitates more expensive electronics! (hi-def speakers, systems, ear phones, etc).

So my troubles with movie posters comes down to this. Not only are the DVD renditions terrible, but now, more than ever, it is important that they stop doing this. It looks terrible and ruins the incentive (one of them) to actually buying the physical bluray or DVD. Like books, its fun to hold and own, placing the movies on my shelf as my own library and personal collection (trophies if you will, a lineup of what defines me as a film buff as it defines my taste and interests). While legit downloading and renting is easy and will grow, storage can fail and is not as easy as a shelf of favorite films (just like how new video games are still bought).

But now, these DVD covers are worse than ever and are an embarrassment to the movies they represent. While I am happy that Bluray sank HD-DVD and the hi-format war for home movies is over (albeit too late) people are buying discs instead of stealing them because they are great quality. Why not make it the best and stop making these disgusting DVD covers?

Below are two classic examples of what goes wrong. As with the departed (even though the two originals aren't anything great) they still made them worse as DVDs. They took the actors faces and just made a "face collage" as done all the time. Mr. Brooks is my main example. Not only was it a good movie, the original poster was great and iconic! Then the movie wasn't a hit so they needed to "re-brand" the cover, so they changed it up completely for the DVD. Instead of using the original, they took some random Costner pic and turned it into a bad C-grade horror movie DVD cover! Not only does this look terrible, but the 're-branding' is a terrible idea. Yee-gads. (as always, click to enlarge)

While I could go through hundreds and hundreds of examples, below are two recent examples, both similar in style and destruction.

While the original and DVD look similar, I don't know why they changed it. The background is now 100% white and the actors and posing separate from each other. Instead of the group bonding it's now giving off the vibe as "yeah, look at me, I'm adam sandler!" This is a similar take on just using peoples faces. It's all marketing in their eyes - the bonding is too sappy and serious, but if you use a plain, boring pic of the actor, it's association. I love adam sandler! There he is! OH, IM BUYING THIS MOVIE! Not only is this a stupid method, but it makes the DVD look very amateurish. It looks bad and is bad for so many reasons. And why they did this red border? Got me.

Just like with Funny People, CYRUS takes a group picture and turns it into something terrible. Unlike Funny People, the original here was not a group starring at the camera - this is a great iconic image. It's difficult to create a close-up of 2-3 people and make it iconic, but this one does it! And what did they turn this poster into for the DVD? First off, they want to capitalize on the JUNO font, as so many movies do, which is sick. Second, they changed the photo! WHY? They ruined it completely - such a simple original and they managed to change it completely. The actors are now lined up starring at the camera (now poorly photoshoped). This looks like a bad high-school flyer and makes me sick just looking at it.

Ethics Training Certificate

2010-09-18T12:56:00.000-07:00

Back in 2005-2005 I worked as a Graduate Hall Director for SIU-Carbondale and was required to take a state ethics training course online. At the time it was pretty ridiculous and looking at the certification now makes it just a little bit more humorous. (click to enlarge)

Publishing a book

2010-07-27T20:54:00.000-07:00

If you told me ten year ago (Hell, let's say 5) years ago that I would be publishing a book I would probably not believe you. After not successfully landing a valuable entry level job in the entertainment industry I decided to focus on my writing. After all, I had a lot of it, enough to publish a collection of short stories involving time travel! This is a milestone week. This is the week I am sending my book to a printer t print off 3,000 copies of my book. Sometime in September I will receive these books at my house in LA and my marketing process for both my book and newly established business begins.

Follow my publishing adventures on my publishing blog HERE.
Visit my books website here.

SUCCESS!

2010-07-13T21:10:00.001-07:00

After a mere week (maybe 2?) a passion flower has risen. Seeing how I planted a variety of seeds, I have no idea which breed this is. Either way, it's a success to see this so soon.

Fruit and Veggies!

2010-07-03T10:49:00.000-07:00

My Australian Finger Lime tree is doing great work. I bought this about a year ago online and it's just now starting to take off. When it arrived in a large box, it had a depleted root structure from shipping restrictions and I immediately placed it in a large planter. A single finger lime began growing a month ago, now the size of a large caterpillar, but now there are dozens of tiny fingerlimes! Grow my little ones!

Lastly, it was sad to cut down my first veggie plant that I grew from seeds in 2007. It survived a few winters and had quite a thick, wood-like trunk. Recently, some of it's leaves were turning into chalk-like leaf. I began cutting those leaves off but it didn't help. Soon, the entire plant was infected and it had to go. A week later, today, I notice that there are new branches blooming. Will this turn into something? I can only hope.

The Passion Flower Experiment

2010-07-03T10:40:00.000-07:00

I love to grow exotic foods and plants since I live in Los Angeles and have the weather to support any crazy seeds I buy online. I recently bought several different varieties of passion flowers (seeds, of course).

I first came across the passion flower at the Getty center here in Los Angeles. There are more varieties than once can count, but not only are they a fascinating plant, they come in a large variety of vines. (See more at WIKIPEDIA)

The instructions that came with the seeds were a little discouraging. Most stated that the seeds needed to be brushes gently with sandpaper, soaked in warm water for a few days (changing the water every 12 hours) and then placed in soil (also too, warm if possible) and covered in plastic wrap...for 30 to 50 days!

How was I going to do this? And then it struck me. We have an antique stove that keeps quite warm from the pilot light. We dry large pots/pans on this, leaving our dishes dry within an hour. Why not create my own mini greenhouse for passion flower seeds?

Process:
-soak seeds as needed
-cut small plastic drinking cups into small planters (cut holes in bottom for draining)
-plant seeds
-wrap toaster oven try filled with planters with a large ziplock freezer bag (slightly open)
-place on warm stovetop and water as needed.

I am on day 5 and nothing yet, but as long as I get a few of these to sprout (let's say, in less than 30 days?) I'll be happy.

Lazy, Lazy Man

2010-06-05T12:41:00.000-07:00

Chicago didn't have these sign people when I lived there through 2004. LA has an entire breed of sign guys, some with twists, spins, and tosses so great, so often don't even know what they are holding. This guy, on the other hand is an enigma. Well dressed but lacking any motivation, enthusiasm, or understanding that he is giggling the sign upside down.

I HAVE BEEN RAPED BY THE CITY LOS ANGELES OFFICE OF FINANCE

2010-05-27T21:35:00.002-07:00

I am very pro taxes and government (to a basic degree), but I suppose that mindset was from an ignorant frame of mind. Ever since I earned my first million, I have been more and more reluctant to pay a higher percentage of my hard earned money toward taxes. I mean... it's MY MONEY!

Ok, ok, I am lying. In 2008 I made less than $15,000 while living in Los Angeles. Can you believe it? Less than $15k. Living in Los Angeles is a financial nightmare. Rent is twice the cost of anywhere else in the country (maybe not New York) and the cost of living is much higher. So $15,000? That barely covered rent! Not to mention all of my medical bills from a broken leg in 2007 which, since I broke it in October, my insurance's deductible re-set a few months later in 2008 and cost me an additional couple thousand dollars to finalize my healing. And you know how much I made in 2008 AFTER I paid my taxes? Jesus.

So aside from my financial nightmare of not earning anything in 2008, what I did earn was from artistic work, paid for with a single 1099 form. To my surprise I received a letter from the City of Los Angeles office of Finance in 2010, telling me I owed business tax. What? I called to find that since I filed my taxes in 2008 with a 1099 form, I owned my own business and I needed to pay business tax to the city of Los Angeles. What? I paid and filed my taxes for 2008, so what was this really? I was confused so instead of asking question after question, I decided to take a night and do some research online for what was happening - surely I was not alone.

I found an artistic clause exemption! If you earned your "business income" as an artist, you are exempt from laying this ADDITIONAL tax on your income to the city of LA finance office. So in the end, I shouldn’t owe anything, despite the fact I didn't "really" start my own business. It's not like I started a company and made a living wage doing gig after gig of work from this business. I was not a business (yes, my opinion) and only earned one temporary 1099 for a creative artist job that still set me below the poverty line.

I immediately called the finance office back to inquire about the exemption. I was told that (1) The artist exemption needed to have been requested by February 2009 in order for it to apply. Because I didn’t apply, I owe taxes in full for owning a business (instead of nothing); and (2) my ignorance of the law does not exempt me from paying taxes.

What the fuck is this? What if the city had a POOFY PANTS tax and I wore POOFY PANTS one day. Would my ignorance for not paying the poofy pants tax require me to pay the full tax even if they had an exemption saying that it excludes all white people? While I did receive a 1099 form, it was an artistic job that I did once. ONCE. And now I am forced to pay a tax that doesn't apply to me. the city of Los Angeles is robbing from the poor. This is criminal.

I sent a letter with my 2008 earnings of under $15,000 and a second request that the exemption be applied. DENIED! I was sent an official invoice with $230 that I owe. While I am happy that I now have a job and earn more than $15k a year, I am still paying off the debt from my horrific financial income from 2008.

I had no means to think that my single 1099 artist temporary job would lead to additional city-business tax since I paid taxes in full. That fact I owe this money since I am covered by the artist exemption clause is ridiculous. I am in severe debt from my poverty-level income earned in 2008 and the city of Los Angeles is demanding I pay $230 for something that is covered by an exemption. Robbing from the poor, claiming to be a legitimate tax. This should be illegal.

SHAME ON YOU LOS ANGELES.

Jesse Pinkman has Gone Full Retard

2010-05-17T21:07:00.000-07:00

Every couple years I find a show I really like. Three years ago that show was Breaking Bad. Great premise, great actor, and great opening episodes. In fact, the entire first season was great. The second season was pretty good - still worthy. This season...not so much. It's not bad, its just that everything is turning ridiculous. My first and foremost complaint is the complete irrational happenings. Mainly, the most important supporting character, Jesse Pinkman, has gone full retard. Much like the turn in character of Homer Simpson evolving into a child from an idiot, Mr. Pinkman has gone full retard instead of continuing to be a character that holds conflicting interests. I am still watching, but there are too many implausible character events from keeping this a realistic show.

Brendan Fraser MUST play Elena Kaganon on SNL

2010-05-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

Seriously. I said it first.

Grilled Cheese à la David

2010-04-27T22:11:00.001-07:00

In Lieu of grilled cheese month, my fiance and I have had some ups and downs (grilled cheese speaking, that is). With the last event a bust (see past post) I had a fun thought. Why don't we each make our own unique grilled cheese sandwich? Not that we need to compete for the better grilled cheese master hat in the house, where the loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore - it seemed like a fun way to end our short adventure of grilled cheese goodness. (That was a simpsons quote if you didn't catch it).

I wanted something simple yet totally, not simple. An onion grilled cheese. Simple. BUT, with homemade challah bread, homemade ketchup, and three different cheeses. YES! First step was making the challah. I've been making this same loaf for years and knew what needed to be done, but instead of making a braid, I would need to make a loaf. It turned out pretty good - except it's a fragile bread (at least the recipe I make is - good thing I sliced the bread at 1/2" - as thick as anyone will recommend for grilled cheese).

To make my homemade ketchup, I wanted to make it even more unique. I used organic tomatoes with an heirloom tomato. And best of all, the heirloom tomato was grown outside (so it's truly homemade). I've made my own sauce before, so I figured to make my own ketchup I would just need to add more sugar with a touch of vinegar. It was a home run except that it could have been a little thicker - no problem though. As much as I like to lather my condiments, this was probably a good touch to make a taste of rather than a dollop.

Then came the onions - I used both sweet onions and green onions (white part only). These were sliced finely and sauteed in butter. BUT - not just any butter, homemade garlic butter (freshly pressed garlic sauteed in butter). Once the onions were done it was time to get down to business. I took out my three cheeses: goat, cheddar and muenster. Before I went to town, I slightly buttered the bread and cooked THE INSIDES of the sandwich. That's right - you read me right. I lightly grilled the inside of the sandwich first. So I then made the sandwich - two kinds of onions with three kinds of cheese. Low heat, covered, and melted to perfection.

How did it turn out? Pretty good! (Bonus - bright table mats for the childhood theme). Was it worth the long prep time to make such a simple sandwich? you bet.

WHAT A BUST!

2010-04-27T13:41:00.000-07:00

I was excited to attend the grilled cheese international. A grilled cheese event? Seriously? AWESOME! Now, I didn't have a Homer Simpson style daydream expectation of what this would be like, so I was just excited for anything for the most part. We bought tickets in advance for $10 when we ate at the grilled cheese truck.(Not sure how much tickets at the door were). But anyways, tickets were only $10 so it's not like there was going to be stream trays of all you can eat goodies.

We arrived and it was mobbed. Any good event will be mobbed so I can't complain - but the fact it was mobbed on top of everything else was just poison icing on top of my stale, rotten cake. (Let's put some bleu cheese in there too). We luckily knew about a separate event at the international - judging! A few days prior, we filled out a form online and were immediately chosen as judges. This shot a mild flag in the back of my mind - anyone can do this? Why were we asked questions about fair juding if it didn't matter what we answered. Was there no limit to the number of judges? When we entered we headed straight for the judging quarters. With our print-out we got secret access to...another mobbed gathering of people! Again, the mob aspect was only a good sign, right? Well, maybe not since the more people there are...the less samples per person (if any).

The judging quarters consisted of a fence that separated the judges and the cooks. The cooks were only required to produce 10 sandwiches A DAY. Since there were 4 or 5 events, this meant that each vendor only had to make 2 sandwiches every 2 hours, giving away 4 small pieces each time. Luckily, we walked in 10 minutes prior to a cook-off. AWESOME! We waited and waited and waited. Nothing happened. By the look of the crowd around us, many were friends of the vendors they were standing by. This is interesting. A girl walked by with cheese samples - AWESOME - but then skipped me! She gave samples to her friends and then skipped me, giving the rest to her other friends. What the hell!? I decided this place was too mobbed and biased, so I had my fiance stay put while I voyaged to the far side where there were less people.

And less people indeed! The last vendor along the fence had far fewer people in line, so I waited there. 5 minutes later, the vendor was done cooking and handed two sandwiches to the first 2 people along the fence. Then they were done. The other 15 of us standing in company were sample-less. I walked away to a different vendor in hopes of food. What happened? I waited for the samples to come out, which were snatched by the people in front of me - once they received their sample, they stayed at the fence and ate their sample...they then snatched the next wave of samples that came by (since a different person brought out each new sample, who were they to know who has been waiting and who are ignorant fucks?)

What was this? Not that I expect a grilled cheese fantasia, but this was total anarchy. Each vendor could only give samples to 2-6 people every event and there was no order whatsoever. Hundreds of people for very few samples. The best part of it all was the voting. Because of the limited samples given, there was no consistency with the voting - your single (and non-balancing across other vendors) vote was compared again a different person's vote on a different sandwich. So this combined with the fact that a number of people were friends with the vendors, voting on their friend's food - how legit was this entire ordeal? I was now sample-less and lost from my fiance. All alone. Scared. I sat against a wall in the shade and waited for her to emerge with hopefully an empty plate from a sample of her own. Somehow, she was able to get a sample - amazing. I took a bite and it was a typical grilled cheese. Nothing special albeit tasty.

So we walked out of the judging area and into the international event. There were two sides, one side was a swarm of lines for food at a variety of food trucks. This was all well an good but these food trucks (while all amazing) are in the city every single night. Why would I be interested in paying $10 to attend an event to visit a food truck that is available anytime? And why would I want to stand in a line longer than any a normal visit? We walked to the other side to see what the last section of tents were: free samples! Thats right! Free samples! Stand in line for 15 minutes to get the following (only one per 15 minute line) 5oz cup of izzy soda, 5oz cup of vitamin water, small bag of plain potato chips, and last and maybe least, tillamook cheese cubes that you find at the grocery store.

Was this it? Was this seriously the grilled cheese international? A paid gathering of nothingness? Maybe if this was the first or second year I'd pass it off, but 8th? What a total bust. Put some order into the judging! Put a fee on judging or make a VIP judge something to pay for. At least a number cap. Jesus. Give out tickets for samples so it's not a corrupt mass of insanity. And the rest of the place, for all the regular folk? Hmmm - how could this be better? More tents? More companies? How about more interesting things - like a tent of grilled cheese books to buy! What about recipes and guest speakers? How about someone giving tips for making grilled cheese...while making their own sandwich!? Ever been to a TASTE OF [enter city here]? You buy tickets and use those tickets universally elsewhere at the event. Turn this into SOMETHING instead of a mess of lines of nothingness.

Behold, a Finger Lime!

2010-04-25T11:54:00.000-07:00

The best part about having a gardening niche while living in Los Angeles is that you can grow just about anything. Nursuries have an endless variety of crazy flowers, vines, fruits and veggies - sometimes things you have never heard of. Searching online several years ago, I discovered a plant called the Australian Finger Lime. (Picture above is not my tree).

The problem with this tree is that it's nearly impossible to find (yes, it's legal). I couldn't find seeds to grow myself and all companies that sold and shipped actual trees were international-until I found Four Winds. I bought a 2-3 year old tree and had it shipped to me in July, 2009, making this tree anywhere from 3-4 years old (Maybe more, who knows).

To my amazement yesterday, I found my first ever finger lime! It's hard to tell by this picture, but it's smaller than a quarter, so it has plenty of growing to do. I may have to wait until next season to have a variety of fruits to create a massive collection like the one displayed below, but it just means I need to have enough crazy fruits to occupy my time with.

Why I Hate Ticketmaster

2010-03-11T16:58:00.000-08:00

Conan anounced today that he is doing his 30 city comedy tour. I go to buy tickets at one of the two LA shows: all cheap ($40) seats are sold out except for 2 obstructed views. The middle seats are $60 with a $15 convenience fee. What the fuck is a convenience fee and why is it %25 of the ticket price? And all over craigslist are companies that are affiliated with the better business bearuo are selling tickets starting at $110! This is legal trafficing if anything. Why hasn't anyone sued Ticketmaster for all this shit they allow to happen and for the most part, encourage. Glad to know they are a bigger monopoly than ever before.

I don't go to concerts that much and I know this happens to any big show...all the time. How is this legal? What happened to the rule that you buy a ticket and you are the only one who can enter the event because of it?

An Unexpected Birthday Gift

2010-02-17T16:18:00.000-08:00

I don't think I've ever given a birthday video before, but the one I received last night (albeit belated) was quite the charmer. Not to say I am not 120% estatic about other gifts - I can't wait to make my own cheese this weekend with my newly received home-made cheese kit, but this video came out of left field. Sure, much of the brilliance of it will only be appreciated by a few, but its already a classic in my book, nevermind that he STILL got my birthday wrong in the video.

Horrific Icons

2010-02-10T21:50:00.000-08:00

With the release of google buzz, my email now has a new "buzz" link directly under my inbox link. Problem is, the buzz icon sits next to this link and is nearly identical to Apple's beach ball of death. Everytime I look at my inbox screen, my heart freezes, anticipating my computer to go into lockdown for a minute. Is this really something I want to see all day long?

The Numbers

2010-02-05T10:34:00.000-08:00

For those of you unfamiliar with LOST this picture is just a lottery ticket. To those LOST fans out there, this is a stroke of genius. I'm sure I am not alone in this adventure throughout the last season. And I am willingly (free will) only participating in one drawing each week, verse the 4 available through both Mega Millions and Powerball. As much as I want to play the numbers as much as possible while LOST is still on the air, it's a bit much, even for me. So I chose the Mega Millions because Hurley won the "Mega Lotto" and it is also drawn on a Tuesday night, same night as all new episodes of LOST. So far, after one drawing I have won $0. Fear not, I have several weeks ahead of me to bring in my fame, fortune, and good luck. Let's just hope the numbers don't win on a Friday night, or worse, the Powerball.

Water Water Everywhere

2010-01-13T11:27:00.001-08:00

Water is a serious problem in LA yet most people don't care to conserve it or mind wasting it. Like this morning, it was raining and my neighbor's property was in the midst of watering the lawn. Seriously? It's such a waste to have a grass lawn in this city, but it's even worse to be wasting water like this. Broken sprinkler heads are everywhere, pouring water into the streets and sidewalks constantly. Grass lawns are plentiful and are constantly being watered, everyday and during the rain. If Los Angeles wants to make both a green change and some heafty pocket cash, they should fine these bastards. Make the world a better place.

Worst Trailer Ever

2010-01-07T10:11:00.001-08:00

WOW! I've seen some bad trailers, but this one I can easily say may just be THE WORST! Not to say the movie will be terrible, but more often than not, a terrible trailer leads to well, less than admirable movies.

If you haven't seen this trailer, you really should check it out along with the TV spots. Both give away all major aspects of the film. Yes, the TV spots! In 30 seconds it gives you the begnning, middle, second middle, and twist ath the end! So aside from all plots being given away, ruining any means to not know the plot before it actually happens on screen (as if you wouldn't be able to predict it), everything has been done before, and this is coming from someone who avoids romantic comedies. So again, this movie may be amazing. It may just be the next big thing. Amy Adams is a great talent. But who allows trailers this terrible to be shown to destroy a movie, let alone make them?

My Brilliant Neighbors

2010-01-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

A few days ago an xmas tree appeared on the front curb to the building next to me. What made it funnier than the fact it was covered in canned snow was the trail of it that lead to the tree from the front door. What are they going to do with this tree? I thought. This morning my question was answered.

Really? I will be curious to know if this tree will be in the same position when I return home today. If I had a tree and needed to get rid of it, I would take 10 minutes out of my busy schedule to saw it into a few pieces and put it in the green compost cointainer that picks up the same day, but what do I know.

SCREWS!

2009-12-22T18:59:00.000-08:00

I had these screws put into my left ankle in 2007 - today, I had them removed! The long one is 1.75" and the small is 1 3/8". It's going to be hard facing the fact I am that much less bionic now. Let's just hope the rest of the 'gear' in my leg stays put.

Westside rentals sucks

2009-10-25T14:59:00.000-07:00

Westside Rentals is a gigantic apartment/landlord/tenant connector for the greater Los Angeles area. Basically, it's the craigslist housing section with an added cost. It's been over a year since I lost all hope in their service and can only wonder if things have improved.

In 2008 I needed to move, so I decided to pay for a membership - after all, Westside Rentals's network is huge. You can't go anywhere in LA without seeing a "FOR RENT" sign by WSR. What I soon found after joining was that, much like Craigslist, WSR has listings that lack information, photos, and reliable landlords to assist you. I swiftly asked for my money back:

Westside Rentals,

My girlfriend and I recently purchased a dual membership to find a new apartment.  Over the past two weeks, we have become frustrated and extremely disappointed in your service and are asking for a full refund.

Our complaints with your service vary from website detail to landlord communication. The fact there are listings without both meaningful written descriptions and a single photo is a waste of time to consider.  Most of the photos on your website are of poor quality in resolution, composition, and quantity. We have contacted many listings on your website and were extremely disappointed in their poor return rate; many phone calls, voicemails, and emails were never returned.  One landlord emailed me back a week after my inquiry of a phone message and email, telling me that their unit was "JUST leased."  Another landlord I contacted and scheduled a viewing of their unit cancelled on me twice: both 1 hour before our scheduled meeting.  Needless to say, I couldn't afford to schedule a third meeting.

One of the listings we visited to see was distorted greatly in their listing.  Not only did it clearly state that it was the second floor (when it was the first floor) – the pictures online were not of the unit available for rent. We are asking for a refund for the full amount that we paid for our membership.  Not only did we fail in finding an apartment through Westside rentals, we also endured stress and loss of time and money trying to manage our search using your service.

Refund our payment and cancel our account immediately.

Soon after, we were refunded HALF of our payment. No letter or explanation. Half? I had to waste more time to find out that they refunded only half because I used the service and therefore, should have to pay for it. I was pissed so I posted a review on YELP, not that this was the solution, but just a side note before making calls and more faxes:

If I could give WEST SIDE RENTALS a negative rating, I would. They are terrible and a waste of time. I could write a short novel here, but I'll try and keep it short and simple: poor pictures (if any), poor descriptions, faulty descriptions (I went on scout and the places I saw were grossly incorrect from their listing), poor communication from the landlords who posted listings (would never call back, or call back a week later), over priced listings, lacking search criteria. DO NOT waste your time with this place.

I bought a dual account for $70 and got nowhere after 2 weeks, wasting much of my time and energy trying to find a place with them. After everything went wrong, I demanded a refund and it was nearly impossible to get a hold of anyone to do so. After 4 weeks of struggle, they gave me $35 back from my $70 stating that since I didn't complain earlier, I will not be getting the full refund. Craigslist is much better. Of course, craigs is the best and worst of both worlds, but it is free and for the most part, has more information and any landlord who knows what he/she is doing will create a good listing.

DO NO DEAL WITH WEST SIDE RENTALS!

This was interesting because it sparked the interest of the refund manager at WSR. He called both me and my girlfriend asking about this "David G" review on yelp. After several calls and pointless conversations, he agreed to refund us the rest of our payment back. What a mess.

What a disgrace

2009-10-10T18:27:00.000-07:00

I have many issues with the home movie business. One of them is the fact "they" turn decent or even brilliantly artistic movie posters into terrible B-Movie esque DVD (and soon to be commonly called Blu-Ray) covers. I realize that the home video marketing campaign is more of a product than an entertainment event, and they must cater towards impulse buying (this creates a need to ensure that the buyer knows Tom Cruise is in the movie by plastering his face as an extreme close up on the cover). But seriously, most movies now have terrible covers and they look like they belong in the $5 bin at Wal*Mart with all the other POS movies. Can't they create something that looks like a non-high school student who just learned the basics of Photohop threw together? Jesus.

5 Things I Should Not have Eaten

2009-10-09T19:22:00.000-07:00

Mystery Sphere Pastry
When I was very young I ate a donut hole type pastry that contained nuts. I was a picky eater and thankfully those times have passed (I virtually eat anything now that I don't object morally to), but back in the day in my youth, I hated many things from tastes, to consistencies, to just downright textures. What I remember from this night was my parents having a get together at our house. My brother and I were banished to the second floor to take care of ourselves and keep quite during these events, and for some reason I came strolling down the stairs to see what my parents were up to. A crowd gathered in the dining room and a long table held bowls and bowls of desserts. And boy, did they look good. I grabbed a sugary sphere and ate it. And that is what my memory kept from the night. To what my parents tell me is that they stupidly told me to try the pastry, knowing it has nuts and "wierd" things in it. I took a bite and threw up. I was probably 4. Not my fault.

Gefilte Fish
When I was in high school I joined a BBYO Jewish Youth Group Chapter. (Bereshis - the same chapter that Gene Wilder belonged to in his youth in Milwaukee). Anyways - we had a dinner at a Rabbi's house. There were 8 of us, I'd say, along with our advisers. It was going well and we were brought our first dish. It looked delicious! A piece of toasted bread with yummy salsa/tomato sauce atop. MMMMmmmmm. It looked good. It sat on our plates, staring at us. Knowing very little about Jewish customs or anything Jewish in general, I waited for the others at the table to act first, seeing how they were brought up as actual Jews, not a secular Jew like I did. It was time to eat the bread! I cut a large piece with my fork and took a big bite. INSTANTLY I knew something was wrong. Something... awful. Something... terrible. I was gagging and hid it as far as I could. It was the most repulsive thing I could ever imagine - and to think i shoved a large fork-full into my mouth and swallowed a little bit. I was already thinking how lucky I was that I didn't throw up everywhere. I looked over at my friend Andy, whose plate was untouched. He looked at me and smiled. What the FUCK did I just eat? "Hmmmm if anyone doesn't want their fish I'll have it," I heard one of my chapter members say. My GOD! Fish!? BREAD!? The the hell was I thinking? If i have to cut a piece of bread with a FORK - why would I continue to think it was bread. I tried another small swallow. No dice. I gagged again. This was a no go. I had to spit this out. And spit it out I did. Into my cloth dinner napkin. The taste was still in my mouth for quite some time. So disgusting. When the meal was over, I had to unwrap my napkin carefully to make it seem like I wasn't wrapping disgusting food in it for the Rabbi's wig-wearing wife, who did all the cooking and cleaning. (Why?). Wow. What a lesson I learned that night. First, don't be so stupid to eat something you obviously are too stupid to know what it is and two - be careful when you stuff your mouth with unknown objects.

Laffy Taffy (the whole thing)
Laffy taffy was first introduced in the 70s, but they sort of re-branded in the late 80s and I seized the day! My family was on vacation in the Colorado rockies and thankfully, since we were doing a lot of site seeing, my parents tended to give in to my requests to shut me up while we did "boring" things. (Yes, I appreciate them now. Very much). One of these requests was a super-large bar of laffy taffy. My God is was delicious. I remember to this day. I sucked on that thing for hours, or so it seemed. Eventually, I started to feel a little sick. Crazy, right? Maybe I shouldn't have been eating sugar for so many hours on end. (Maybe another fault of the parental units?) We reached our destination in our rented jeep and took a hike to explore the lay of the land. I really wasn't feeling well. And that's when it happened. I threw up. Threw up within 50 feet of the continental divide. Very poetic, I must say.

Tootsie Roll
My mother is allergic to everything under the sun. Thankfully, I received my Dad's genes where the only flaw is migraine headaches. When I was younger though, the Docs thought I was allergic to things too. Therefore, I was allergic to milk. I can't believe it this to this day. If I had a milk-less childhood, I might me in a crazy-ward right now. I grew up eating mac and cheese. It made me who I am. I don't remember if it was a post-Halloween or what reason I had some candy, but I wanted to eat a Tootsie roll - something I was not familiar with. It looked really good. I was probably 5 or 6 at the time and my Dad read me the ingredients and let me know it had dairy in it. "No, I'm sorry you can't eat this." I was pissed. CANDY!? I CANT EAT THIS!? He left, I picked it up and quickly ate it. It was good.

Natural Spring Water
Back in the Colorado Rockies, this time in Steamboat, Colorado, I was on a spring break skiing trip in high school. It was with a ski group called SnowStar and my friend and I took this trip with the group, straying in a condo-hotel with a few other kids and an instructor. This instructor came back one day with bottles of self-filled water. He was so fascinated with the water, as he told us. Natural Spring water with all sorts of nutrients. I don't remember really, I probably never paid attention in the first place. He told us to try it. We each grabbed a bottle and opened it up. ASS. It smelled bad. Sulfer, ass, you name it - it didn't matter, it was bad. He assured us it wassn't as bad as it smelled and it was a must try - the locals drink it and it was good for your bones and health. I took a sip. Just about as horrible as the smell. He had a good laugh.

Calzones

2009-10-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

I finally made Calzones. Not that it was a lifelong goal, but it has been on my mind to make for a few months now ever since I finally made deep dish pizza from scratch. Using a cook's illustrated cookbook, I did quite a good job for my first time. More or less, it's all in the wrapping, which only looked better and better with each calzone (too bad I didn't have enough to make 100). All in all, it was a great success and left very little to improve for my next calzone adventure, aside from the fact using a pizza stone was in the instructions and I merely used a cookie sheet.

Kaffir Tree Timeline (part 3)

2009-10-04T10:15:00.000-07:00

A few more weeks have passed and I decided it was time that the unhatched 9 or so kaffir seeds were a lost cause. Worry not, I still managed to sprout 2 and by all means, that's better than 1 or even 0. I transplanted the trees into larger pots with fertilizer in hopes they can now grow like wildfire despite the cold season approaching. And when I mean cold season, I mean slightly chilly weather with the sun shining down starting at 11AM. After all, this is Los Angeles.

Top 5 Time Travel Movies

2009-10-02T20:39:00.000-07:00

There are many options to choose from and to make such a vast selection into a top 5 is somewhat limited. Then again, creating a top 10 list for a very specific, limited genre would be not be limited enough. How many films feature time travel vs. the number of books that exist? Not as many as there should, which is why a top 5 list was created.

12 Monkeys

Insanity, without giving anything away, is a great realism into time travel. It's safe to say no one knows of anyone who has traveled through time, so if you were lucky enough to meet someone who did, you would probably believe him or her to be insane. And should you travel through time, you, I hope, would have the common sense to doubt reality and your own mental stability. 12 Monkeys was adapted from an artistic, well executed short film featuring only still photos and voice over. It presents an isolated world, reliving the same moment (memory or the future?) again and again. 12 Monkeys is one of the few films that took a simple idea, expanded it, and kept it thrilling while adding countless engaging plot twists and themes.

Groundhog Day

There are not nearly enough comedic science fiction films, not to mention ones dealing with time travel. Groundhog day is a brilliant mix of comedy, slapstick (without stretching too far from reality), and drama. When a man relives the same day over and over, there are bound to be comedic and dramatic aspects to his life; Groundhog Day catches them. Capitalizing on Bill Murray's cynical humor and distaste for ignorance and most human interaction, it is somewhat of a modern Scrooge tale, thrown into the far end of the universe. Sometimes, the best stories and characters are unleashed only when you introduce them into extreme environments of comedy and drama alike. Harold Ramis went on to complete his quirky sci-fi triology with Multi-plicity and Bedazzled, but they fell somewhat short of memorable films, despite how ever amazing Michael Keaton is.

Planet of the Apes (1968)

This film encompasses so many science fiction themes and all of which are done magnificently. Time travel beginning, exploration of a foreign environment and culture clash/theory middle, and a social commentary ending. Not to mention that the novel was weak and bland and Rod Serling turned it into an epic. It's a damn shame this original was torn apart by the sequels. Do not, I repeat, do not satisfy your curiosity and watch any - it will leave a bad taste in your mouth far worse than not having seen them. Not only are the films full of cliches and poor writing, but the "science fiction" in them is weak and only contradicts all aspects of the original. It's a sad, sad saga.

Terminator 1 & 2

I am grouping these two films together. While they are completely different films altogether and I find the second to be a superior, is it less engaged in the element of time travel than the first. Both are excellent films and unleashed a new fear for what the future has in store for us. Unlike many time travel films, The Terminator is a horrific realization that we are the problem to someone else's reality (vs. us traveling to someone else's time with something to fix). There are far few films and stories involving the "innocent" being visited for someone else's gain; we are merely stuck time after time following the time traveler and treating their world as the present.

The Time Machine (1960)

It's hard to ignore this original, classic gem. Traveling through time, horrified with the future until finding a peaceful land of mindless sheep (actually people). You can't sum up the human experience much more than that. (Oh, and there's conflict too).

Honorable Mentions

Back to the Future & Back to the Future II

Star Trek 4

Time Crimes

Scanners and the Netflix Spoiler

2009-10-01T19:53:00.001-07:00

I recently watched David Cronnenberg's SCANNERS for the first time via Netflix. I didn't know that much about it but was excited to see it regardless. To my surprise, the movie description on the dvd pocket gave away a major spoiler that takes place in the last 10 minutes! Seriously? I won't go into detail to what this spoiler is, but it's one of those THINGS that shouldn't be readily available since it is a reveal/surprise to the main character (more or less the audience). It wasn't as bad as revealing the catch of The Sixth Sense per say, but somewhere along the line of saying Darth Vader being Luke Skywalkers father before watching episode 6. It didn't ruin the movie, but I certainly put it all together well before it was intended.

Not Knowing

2009-09-19T14:56:00.000-07:00

I watched the Nic Cage movie KNOWING last night. I was really, really excited to see it too, knowing (he, he) that it was supposed to be bad. But sometimes, bad movies are great. Bad comedies can be hilarious. Bad Horror films can be... hilarious. Bad sci-fi? It really depends. A bad sci-fi can either be horrific and embarrassing to watch or downright entertaining. When it comes to crazy scenarios, the basic 2 sentence catch of a sci-fi film can be enough to make it entertaning, wrapping an alternate environment blanket around our brains for a couple hours.

On top of all that, I've been sadly following this movie for many years. Back in the day when I first saw Donnie Darko, I was hooked on it. Got the DVD and watched it many times until I soon realized it was just an art student's wet dream and it had all the ingredients to cater to such a person (I was in art school at the time, still developing my artistic and film sense). Don't get me wrong, it's a good movie, but too many people along with myself took the interest too far. After years of having not seen the movie, I rented the director's cut. It was terrible. Absolutely, a horrific, terrible movie. I know my taste and intelligence in film evolved in the last seven years, but this was ridiculous. Turns out, it wasn't my taste - it WAS the cut of the movie. Everyone who has expressed their interest in the film hates the director's cut. For me, it made the movie boring and lost it's sense of believability, making it an embarrassment to watch.

Back to Knowing. So in my Donnie Darko hayday, I read that the director (Richard Kelly - the filmmaker, not the kiddie porno guy), was making a film: "a time capsule is discovered with numbers and dates. The numbers and dates list worldwide catastrophies and the specific fatalities. Some of the dates haven't happened yet." Wow - that sets the line for a very entertaining movie - regardless how good or bad it may be. And if Mr. Kelly is making it, it's GOT to be worthwhile.

Turns out Mr. Kelly did not make the movie and it was eventually put together by other people. When it hit the theaters, I was excited to see it, but with the extreme panning by critics, I decided to wait for video.

So with everything invested in the movie, along with my low expectations for it being good, my excitment level was high. How did it do? Quite poor. Worth watching? Sadly, no. Why? Well, my main complaint, which is 100% valid, is that the movie HAS NO PURPOSE. What does this mean? The last 10 minutes of the movie had no relevance. The first 90% of the movie tells the tale of Nic and his number sheet, trying to figure it out, then in the last 10 minutes, something else happens that has no bearing at all toward Nic Cage or anything. We could have watched EMPIRE for 8 hours and spliced the last 10 minutes of Knowing to the end - and it would be as logical of a movie. It's like if you watched a Law and Order episode and after 55 minutes of interrogations and adventure, some random dude who we haven't seen yet and has no connections to anything in the episode, walks into the police station and admits to the murder. His DNA matches and he is definately the guy. Seriously? What the hell is this movie supposed to be about!?

I could spout the many inconsistencies and poor filmmaking decisions about KNOWING but I'll hold off - this was supposed to be entertaining and not an epic, so all silly moments and numerous cliches can be described elsewhere.

WTF LA METRO

2009-09-16T19:46:00.000-07:00

After living in downtown Chicago for four years (2000-2004) I became spoiled with cheap, accessible, reliable public transportation. In fact, I upheld the Chicago mentality of lamenting the idea of taking a bus vs. a subway seeing it went everywhere and any place that requires a bus was 'too far.'

Then I moved to Los Angeles in 2006. Unbelievable. This system is not only completely underdeveloped, but the organization and simplicities that should be a given are absent.

1 - METRO PASS

You are not able to buy a rechargeable Metro pass. What is this? Say you buy a pass to go on the subway. You put $10 on it, use it a few times over a month, then, when it is about to run out, you put another $10 on it. Maybe $20 so it lasts longer. Makes sense, right? WRONG! The only pass you can buy is an exact change 1-fare pass or an unlimited weekly or monthly pass (and no free transfers anywhere). A monthly pass for $62 is your amazing alternative. You used to be able to buy an all-day pass for $5 on the buses, but they stopped it, requiring you buy a Metro card online, have it shipped to you, then buy the one day pass in advance online to put on your card. What a crock and waste of everyone's time and money. When I took the bus to work, I was paying approximately $40 a month. I was sick and tried of keeping in line quarters and single dollars at a constant rate. My only other option? Buy a monthly pass for $62! And the funny thing is, they market this card as a rechargeable card, which is a complete lie. Rechargeable just like your 2-year cell phone contract recharges every month - the same price at the same rate no matter what. YOU ARE STUCK AND HAVE NO OPTIONS. Great going.

2 - BEVERLY HILLS

The LA subway system is nice and cute. It's about 1/4 the size it needs to be (and 1/6 the size it should be) and barely covers the 'proper' LA that I like to refer to it as. If you live or work in North Hollywood, Hollywood, or downtown, then this system is for you! If you live anywhere near the ocean, westwood, mid-wilshire, or anywhere else in the valley, you have to rely on a bus. If you know anything about LA, the reason you want to take public transportation is to escape the roads of fucking gridlock and it taking 2 hours to travel 8 miles. Why do you want to get on a bus! (yes there are a couple EXPRESS bus roads that are only for buses, so it's not 100% terrible).

I realize that public transportation isn't a profit system - it's hard to make a profit on something like this - but what we have here is ridiculous. And what makes matters worse is Beverly Hills. Back in the day, or the last 50 years, Beverly Hills has made it difficult for the advancing city of Los Angeles to develop. Sure, they have lots of money and want to keep their reclusive, grassy and spacey (yet still righteous and above all) feeling and attitude, but it's a little beyond ridiculous. Beverly Hills stands directly between Hollywood (major area for the subway) and the ocean and Santa Monica. They have blocked permits and requests to dig under and create a better Subway. WTF! They are also going ape shit with parking, wanting more and more streets to be permit only. You can have one, but not both! Live up to living in a major city or move to Carbondale, IL.

3 - THE INTERNET

You think that a system as important as public transportation would have a top-notch website. WRONG! Since there are few options for taking the subway, most likely you will be taking a bus (to only sit in awful LA traffic).

I can't believe this site, it's so GOD AWFUL. The maps suck. If you think mapquest is a nuisance instead of google maps, you should try this place. Remember way back when and you visited first webpages? How awesome it was? All GIF filled crappy layouts with rainbow MS Word 3D text? That's the Metro's MAP system. My God, it could only be worse if you asked a 5 year old to duplicate a map with grey crayons and give you directions.

And to make matters worse, there is Trip Planner. This is terrible. Just an example of looking for a ride today: I type in centenella and pico to my apartment and it gives me 4 options, all of which are about the same: take 2 buses, transferring in century city. The FUNNY thing is, if i put in centenella and pico to pico and la brea (which is two blocks from my apartment) it says take 1 rapid (express) bus. WTF is this? It's an 8 mile ride and if I enter in specific addresses, it tells me to take 2 slow buses, transferring in the middle of the 8 miles, otherwise I can take one FAST bus if my end destination is 2 blocks different? So to know what my best option is, I need to put in several permutations! (Of which, I don't know which ones will generate further options).

And this isn't the only option. I've been screwed over by the trip planner before. I was traveling from mid-wilshire to west Pasadena and had a connection downtown. It told me to get off an a specific intersection and pick up a specific bus at that very same intersection. Did the bus I needed to get on stop there? NOPE! Luckily I asked a driver of a different bus (who was not familiar with the bus I was catching) and he was overly nice and gave me a ride about half a mile north to where I needed to be. WTF! On the good note, all Metro personnel (drivers) have always been super nice to say the least - these guys deal with a lot of crap all day long from crazy people to angry jerks, so being nice and them being able to accomplish something positive goes a long way. Lastly was an incident last week, traveling from Mid-wilshire to Santa Monica. It was a pretty simple trip - walk to wilshire and take a bus to Santa monica. The trip planner told me to take either one slow bus, or one Rapid (express) bus. I walked to wilshire and decided to take whatever bus came first, knowing the waiting time would equal out the slowness of the ride should I get on the regular bus, which is what I did. And what happened? The bus took me to Westwood and I was told it was the last stop! (not what the internet said). Luckily again, the driver was very nice and gave me a free transfer for the rapid, but it did mean waiting 15 minutes for the new bus to arrive and continue down Wilshire.

I now am completely skeptical of the trip planner. What can I trust with reliable times and location? And furthermore, how do I know that the bus they are telling me to take is the best option?

4 - THE FUTURE

I love following advancements and improvements. I need to create a website or business based on the fact people will want to track the progress of businesses, cities, buildings, construction, etc. So needless to say, I am always interested in the development of LA's Metro. They even have their own website talking about the next 20 years! Exciting, right? WRONG. To be fair, this section of the site isn't that bad, but it is lacking great strides. This is the site to get the youth and those who don't take public transpo in LA interested! But they don't. It's just links with text and a lot of boring details. Interactive forums? Nope. Awesome artistic renderings of things to come? Nope. Current, up to date info? Nope. Hell - I got more out of the wikipedia page than the metro page when it comes to progress and the future. Seriously - who markets this?

---

I am a strong believer in public transportation and am GODLY SHOCKED at the amount of people in Los Angeles who not only don't use it, but have NEVER used it. When I first moved here, I was told by several people to NOT TO USE IT because it is dirty, gross, and unsafe. From my experiences, it's cleaner than Chicago, fewer crazies than Chicago, and safe? I never had an incident in Chicago. So far, nothing in LA either. Both good things. I've heard horror stories about public transpo in both cities, which is scary and somewhat expected, not to say a good thing. Either way, I hope Metro gets their act together and capitalizes on making their system easier and more accessible.

Time Crimes and Hot Tubs

2009-09-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

I recently watched the Spanish Film TIME CRIMES, which was excellent. Not only a mixture of many time traveling theories, but a brilliant suggestion for a future Halloween costume. Make sure you don't read into it before watching, it's best if you have as few spoilers as possible. It's about an insane adventure a man partakes after accidentally traveling through time. How does he do this? And I am not giving anything away by saying this, but by stepping into a large vat of water, nothing less than a high-tech hot tub.

This brings me to an interesting discovery this week of a film trailer for Hot Tub Time Machine - a slapstick comedy about a group of men who seem to have traveled back in time by taking a dip in their Hot Tub. Connection? Probably not, but these two films do share a unique method of time travel.

As we are used to speeding cars and spaceships, it is often more fun to use a non-conventional mechanism: a vat of water with little explanation. This creates a gap theory and allows us to just accept it rather then have a fake theory thrown down our throats to try and believe. After all, the method just gets us to where we want to be, right?

CHASE bank's ATMs Suck Balls

2009-09-15T06:54:00.001-07:00

I couldn't put it in better words. They suck! Why should it take 5 mintues to make a deposit? I put my card in and one minute later, it asks for my pin. One minute after that... you get the picture. I am in LA, which means I had WAMU until they drove their business into the ground (terrible customer support didn't help) and Chase soon took over. The funny thing is, the ATMs with WAMU weren't that bad. A little slow, but nothing like these 'newer' ATMs that are showing up at CHASE banks. WTF? It's like a bad porno, having to wait 10 minutes to get your business over with, but unlike a bad porno, I can't FF through it.

WTF IMDB!

2009-09-15T06:52:00.001-07:00

IMDB used to be a place of reliable or at least interesting daily entertainment news with limited sleeze and gossip. They recently outsourced their news and it is completely terrible to say the least. Every other news story is about TWILIGHT and the majority of stories are gossip; and worst of all, they constantly repeat each other... multiple times! What a shock and terrible dissapointment. Hopefully this will change back to how it was.

Top 5 Vocabulary Words I Learned from The Simpsons

2009-09-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

I have seasons 2-12 of The Simpsons memorized backward and forward. Skipping the debate on when they jumped the shark, the show still puts out great episodes, but these are the seasons I grew up with and watched countless times from my homemade collection of VHS tapes. (I want to say I was on 30-something when season 1 came out on DVD). It was a difficult decision and many cuts were made; the final decision was based on the strongest examples of words that because of the simpsons, are engraved in my head. There are vast (and I mean vast) examples from the show, but these had the biggest impact.

(in alphabetical order)

Concoct
The Brother from Another Series, February, 1997

1 - To prepare by mixing ingredients, as in cooking.

2 - To devise, using skill and intelligence; contrive

Sideshow Bob and his brother, Cecil, are arrested and thrown into a police car. It drives off and police chief Wiggum stands in the road and ponders, "There they go, two criminal geniuses locked away together. Who knows what diabolical schemes they might concoct."

Integrity

Bart's Girlfriend, November 1994

1 - A sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition

2 - The state of being whole, entire, or undiminished

Bart is trying to impress a girl who turns out to be bad - she dares him to ride his skateboard down a steep road. During his initial descent, Bart gains speed and struggles to keep his balance. "Actually," notes Bart, "if the road surface maintains its integrity, I just might be able to hold on --"

Lamentably

Bart's Friend falls in Love, May 1992

1 - Regrettably

2 - In an unfortunate or deplorable manner

Marge buys homer a weight loss tape he can can listen to while he sleeps. Unbeknown to her, he was sent a 'build your vocabulary' instead:

Homer is nestled in bed, a set of headphones on his head. He reminisces on the things he and his stomach have done together before going to sleep. The tape begins. ``Hello, this is Dr. Marvin Monroe. Let's build your vocabulary. A -- Abattoir. Slaughterhouse. The cow was slaughtered in the abattoir.''

The next morning, Homer eats several handfuls of bacon.

Marge: Homer, has the weight loss tape reduced your appetite?
Homer: Ah, lamentably no. My gastronomic rapacity knows no satieties.

Rhetorical

Mother Simpson, November 1995

1 - The art of using language, especially public speaking, as a means to persuade

2 - Meaningless language with an exaggerated style intended to impress

Homer's mother is singing with Lisa and Homer in company:

Grandma: [singing] How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
Homer: Seven!
Lisa: No, Dad, it's a rhetorical question.
Homer: Rhetorical, eh? Eight!
Lisa: Dad, do you even know what "rhetorical" means?
Homer: [incredulous] Do I know what "rhetorical" means?!

Specious

Much Apu About Nothing - May, 1996

1 - Having deceptive attraction or allure
2 - Having a false look of truth or genuineness

A harmless bear walks into Springfield, resulting in the implementation of the bear patrol.

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.

Lisa: That's specious reasoning, Dad.

Homer: Thank you, honey.

Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.

Homer: Oh, how does it work?

Lisa: It doesn't work.

Homer: Uh-huh.

Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.

Homer: Uh-huh.

Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?

[Homer thinks of this, then pulls out some money]

Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

Kaffir Tree Timeline (part 2)

2009-09-07T10:49:00.000-07:00

It's been a few weeks and to my surprise, a second tree has sprouted, making the sprouting rate (holding off on calling it a success rate thus far) to about 16% from the 12 seeds I received in an envelope from Malaysia that I purchased on ebay. The original tree is growing well and so far so good!

Compact

2009-08-18T21:31:00.001-07:00

Living in Los Angeles opens a lifestyle that no one should ever have to deal with - Parking and Traffic nightmares from beyond the grave. Anytime we drive anywhere in this city, Los Angelians are forced to map out the best route to our destination based on time of day and the current freeway reports on sigalert. Then we need to figure out how much additional time to give for unexpected traffic and then the final additional of time to compensate for the nightmare of finding a parking spot.

What erks me more than anything is the large number of parking garages in this city with an overweling number of side by side 'compact' parking spots. I do love that LA has a higher percentage of drivers with hybrids and smaller cards compared to other cities, but many people don't (after all, it is a big city). These garages have lines of compact parking spaces sitting side by side. There is no excuse for this as it only encourages large cars to park in any open spot, especially when there are 20 compact spaces next to each other. What kind of person is going to skip the open spots and waste an additional 20 minutes looking for a legit space to park? Of course these SUV and Truck people should know not to park there and by doing so they occupy two parking spaces and screw the up the system. But the larger picture is that this is the problem of the parking garage.

There should never be more than 3 compact spaces in a row. It's a nice feeling that they are most likely doing this to reward the compact driver, but it doesn't help. Either eliminate the overkill of the compact spaces, which in turn will create more parking spaces, or make a point to punish those who abuse the system.

Kaffir Lime Timeline (part 1)

2009-08-09T12:54:00.000-07:00

My interest in gardening has been steadily growing since I moved to Los Angeles and realized I could grow virtually any kind of plant. The basics don't interest me; I do have tomato and pepper plants, but and I gravitate toward the exotic - mainly things that I can eat and can't buy at the store.

I recently purchased a 2 year old Australian Finger Lime tree online, which was shipped to me in a box, and a dwarf Rangpur Lime tree. The last of the lime species that interests me is the Kaffir lime, which I had trouble finding. I also didn't have interest in continuing to buy 2-3 year old trees that have been cut and 'butchered' to maintain a small size for easy shipping. I'd rather grow it myself. The hunt for Kaffir seeds proved exceedingly difficult and I decided to gamble and buy seeds off ebay from a seller in Malaysia. Would they arrive to me? 65% chance. Would they grow if they arrived? Well, considering I would be getting 15 seeds, I'd hope at least one would. Overall 25% chance. Worth $7? Yes.

Two weeks after planting the Kaffir seeds, I had my first success - a single sprout of a Kaffir Lime tree. Will others follow? I hope so. If not, all I have to do make sure I don't screw this up.

Heirloom Tomato

2009-07-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me that instead of buying seeds to grow, I could just buy the fruit/veggie itself and take out the seeds. Not only would this be cheaper and quicker, it would also allow me to enjoy the purchased edible. Tomatoes are quite easy to grow and after having grown a few plants, I decided to buy some heirlooms tomatoes and plant the seeds to see what happens. I didn't know the proper method to do so, but I suppose I did it just right (or there isn't a precise method - put the seeds in dirt). I cleaned the seeds off and planted them in small containers. Days later they sprouted and a few days after that I planted them in larger pots and a couple went in the "farm" out back. Yesterday I picked my first of many to come. Very exciting stuff.

David 3, Black Widows 0

2009-07-11T17:47:00.001-07:00

"That's a neat looking spider," I thought to myself one afternoon while putting my bike away in the garage behind my apartment. I then saw this spider again and again over the next couple days. I didn't think much of it until I saw a very unique red mark on it's belly. "I really should look this up."

My first guess was a Black Widow - mainly because it was freakishly unique and very threatening looking. Google image search "Black Widow." Yup, sure enough. The next day I did my research on how serious of an issue this was. It wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be. The bite may not be felt and the result of one would definitely be noticeable, which has an extremely low chance of killing you even if you never sought medical attention (but you'd be crazy not to). That and they lay 200 eggs at a time. Interesting. Yes, I should probably kill this.

Later that day as I put my bike away, my little friend dangled for me on the garage door. Didn't really move much - it just sat there. I grabbed a dust pan on the floor and raised it above my head. My heart started to pound inside my ears. My friend continued to dangle. BANG! Got him. BANG! Insurance.

Well that was over - until his friend seeks revenge (or the 200+ eggs hatch). A few weeks later I noticed a black spider hiding within a cinder block that one of my plants sits atop for a better sun vantage point. I moved the pot and sure enough, there were two Black Widows in the crevasses of the brick. What to do now. After a quick trip to OSH I came back with a can of spider spray and spider traps (and a Rangpur Lime tree, although totally unrelated) and took care of the situation. Two traps were placed inside the garage to await their fate and the two Black Widows were laced with chemicals. Inside their crevasses were a small collection of bugs and what appeared to be a third, dead Black Widow.

I may be in store for a Black Widow surprise someday, as I'm sure their little community of evil is surely out to get me. I suppose there are worse things to naturally have living around my apartment. There are a lot of animals I'm thankful I don't live near (and hopefully won't come in contact with).

10 Best Picture Nominations

2009-07-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

It took me a while to form an opinion on this matter. We will now have 10 best picture nominations instead of 5. There are ups and downs to this decision and after soaking it in, it's only a bother to me.

Ten nominations allows the Academy Awards to become a popular attraction, seeking out and rewarding mediocre but popular movies. Like the Golden Globes, the Academy Awards will turn into a celebrity fuckfest, featuring as many movies and celebrities as possible to increase their ratings. "We want to reward those movies on the cusp." Yeah right - then offer 2 best picture Oscars.

There is a reason people care less and less about the Oscars. It's because the American public only cares more and more about shitty movies and the better pictures are not big productions anymore, feature less big name stars that we all love and adore, wanting to know everything about their personal lives.

So to compensate? We will have the true best 5 nominations and put another 5 nominations on the list on top of that to cover the popular studio movies that everyone has seen and loves because they have shit blowing up and star many celebrities that we follow in People magazine.

The Oscars have always seemed like the top prize and this is a giant slip from the hierarchy of the process. Not that I think this will lead to further antics (like gay marriage being a gateway to allow humans to marry turtles), but this was done for one reason - glamour. It is a shame that from now on the Academy will reward good movies that aren't great while encouraging generations to be baffled why movies like Gran Torino and The Dark Knight don't win the best picture Oscar since they will be nominated.

2 Movie Wishes

2009-07-03T16:51:00.000-07:00

As a movie buff, there has been two wishes I would love to come true. This reaches into the magical or fantastic so it obviously can't happen. But what if it could.

1 - There are certain movies that I love. As much as I love to re-watch them, I would love to be able to watch them for the first time, so be able to watch it with no knowledge of it's artist merit or narrative. To somehow wash my mind blank of any concept of the film and to experience with a fresh train of thought.

2 - Films are often not made as they intended. This can make the film either better or worse. I wish I could watch an alternative version of the film - be it with different actors, locations, budgets depending on what was originally saught. Imagine watching Tim Burton's Spiderman or Kubrick's Holocaust epic. Or The Shawshank Redemption with Kevin Costner, or to watch The Fountain with both Brad Pitt and an $80 million budget. Every time I hear that an actor had to pull our or they were intending something else to happen, I can only wonder what the film would have ended up like.

Philadelphia Story

2009-06-24T20:32:00.001-07:00

My two favorite trailer recuts are THE SHINING and BROKEBACK TO THE FUTURE. Two brilliant works. I hope this will be seen as something worthwhile. We'll see if it goes anywhere.

Lemmings needs a Revolution

2009-06-17T14:07:00.000-07:00

My favorite game hands down is Lemmings. It is a strategy game and has a multiplayer mode that is equally challenging with different twists. When the sequel was released (Oh No) and a brand new array of options in Lemmings 2, I was hooked for life.

Unfortunately, these games came out before popular gaming was widespread. I had my games on an Amiga 500, if any of you remember those. Commodore had the exclusive rights to the game until it was slowly developed for DOS and then to Windows. So when the iMac came out and Windows 95, the life of this game went the way of the Bulldog Rat (or Dodo, if you will).

When the new round of Lemmings games appeared I was ecstatic; until I played some of them. Lemmings 3D, Lemmings Revolution and Lemmings Paintball fell short of anything I wanted to play a second time. When the PSP came out, a new (normal) Lemmings game was released. But I was not tempted successfully to buy a game system for one game. Why exclusively for the PSP? By then computer games were hot and the current generation of game consoles were hotter than ever.

Then the Wii proved that the demand for simplistic styled games is high. Why not resurrect Lemmings for the Wii (if not for the Mac)? Why is this amazing franchise sitting in the dark when they can re-release the classic games as Wii-Ware and develop new games? Release the old games for Windows and Mac and release it as download only! How much money would that cost? As much as I would love to see the originals back in action on current gaming systems, I would love to see new classic-style Lemmings games, but so far, there is no word on this happening.

Robbed by a Homeless Man

2009-06-05T22:26:00.001-07:00

I must give you some history and back story to my situation. Approximately 82,000 people are homeless on the streets of Los Angeles every night. You probably didn't know that and you also probably can't utilize that number fully. Well how about this - New York's homeless number is about 34,000 a night and Chicago is about 9,000. That's quite a crazy difference, isn't it?

Why do we see so many homeless in LA and not NY and Chicago? Well, for one, LA is not really a condensed city, its spread out and acts like a bunch of over populated neighborhoods and not a large city. But why so many in LA? Knowing the pinch of LA, I can give you a few reasons: it's warm here, so more people tend to randomly move here without knowing what they will being doing; LA is the town of making it in entertainment and the odds are against you, so people give everything they got and no matter how good their talent is, they probably can't make it and if they risked everything, they will end up on the streets; real estate, rent and the cost of living is fucking crazy here too, so if you loose your job or have ONE bad month, you could be fucking history in this town. GONE.

So what does this have to do with anything? I started putting a few pieces together slowly. I have become an avid gardener for what I have access to (space for plants and areas that the sun shines on) and noticed from my random waterings that the back hose is often recently used in the morning. That's odd. This week I noticed that one of my five growing spaghetti squash vegetables in my back garden was chewed off. Laslty, discussing with a neighbor, I was informed that she sees homeless people going through our garbage behind our building every so often. What does this all mean?

Over the past few weeks, I have noticed more and more homeless people walking up and down my street. My neighborhood consists of duplexes and four-plexes, all nicely built and renovated spanish-style buildings creating an ornate area to live. Since moving here nearly a year ago, I quickly caught on that the homeless are aware of garbage day - the day we put our garbage bins out front to be collected. This, of which, consists of a recycling bin with all our cans, bottles, and cash-able goodies inside. It kind of pissed me off only in a monetary way - DWP over charges for waste disposal, so the fact I am giving away my stuff to people to cash it in while I still pay for it kind of makes me feel cheated. But aside from that, I really don't care. So I noticed this and recently I have noticed more traffic on my street the last few weeks, even when it is not a wednesday night or Thursday morning. Why are they making rounds on our street? Is someone or multiple people showering with our hose in the back? Did someone break off one of my growing spaghetti squahes to reward his/her curiosity to see if it was edible? Will there now be a hot competition to collect recycleables from households even when it is not garbage day?

I am an open minded and charitable person. In graduate school when I didn't have time to volunteer, I donated 3-5% of my income to charities, mainly to children with disabilities. There are so many to choose from I have to lean towards people who haven't fully lived yet. Since moving to LA, I have shifted toward volunteering and not donating since I don't have any money. Now, three years later and in the present, I have neither time nor money to give to charitable causes and feel bad I am not giving back to the community. But at least I can recommend that others do and make aware of this issue in Los Angeles - if not, every city in the world.

Whether you live in Los Angeles or not, please be aware of this issue and if you have the time or money to give, please do. Below are a few organizations that could greatly benefit from your service.

National Coalition for the Homeless
Los Angeles Homeless Services Authority
Homeless Health Care Los Angeles
Los Angeles Mission
Homeless Outreach Program
People Assisting the Homeless

Waterboarding - The New Fad

2009-05-28T08:35:00.001-07:00

I had a water board when I was 10. It was the new hip thing all kids were getting into. Soon after, Nerf came out with the "Nerf Water Board," which threw the craze over the edge. Everyone wanted to water board and especially, water board other people. No wonder now that it is affiliated with torture, everyone thinks back to the good ol' days to Nerf and find this notion ridiculous. Shouldn't we? How can you blame us. It sounds like SO MUCH FUN!

I don't understand those in the power to influence others who speak out against things they have no experience or knowledge of. I'm talking about those with the mentality that feeds off fear and control of the masses (and always being right no matter what). The best example of a modern scrooge waterboarding story involves the dumbass DJ Mancow. I listened to him from time to time on my way to highschool in the late 90's and aside from him having an interesting personality, his morality and judgment on the world was wack. I quickly lost interest and stopped listening to this jerk.

And to my surprise, he finally MANNED up and took a challenege. After proclaiming that waterboarding is NOT torture, he agreed to be waterboarded. And what was the result? He lasted 6 seconds and claims that it is definitely torture. Surprise?

“It is way worse than I thought it would be, and that’s no joke,” Mancow said. “It is such an odd feeling to have water poured down your nose with your head back… It was instantaneous… and I don’t want to say this: absolutely torture.” (Watch here)

Crazy Horse Invincible and Spaceman Africa

2009-05-27T21:08:00.000-07:00

I am a frequent FARK visitor and over the years, few great stories have been burned permanently into my brain. One of these stories is the tale of Crazy Horse Invincible and Spaceman Africa. I don't know if this is the original post, but it's all you need to know. Read all about it from ABC News Australia.

LOST Babies - Relations

2009-05-08T15:02:00.001-07:00

My fifth Los Babies Episode. My determination is still here but my quick stride is slowing down, as I am no longer interested in spending 2 weeks straight to complete new episodes. #6 has begun and will be finished in a week or two. Get ready to re-visit the island!

The Lame Torpedo

2009-04-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a funny year. Subway started selling a selection of their foot-long subs for $5 each so Quiznos began selling a few of their grinders for $5. Now, Subway is selling all foot-longs for $5. Hard to top that. And then something interesting happened: Quiznos created a new sub - a seemingly foot-long for only $4.

This piqued my interest. Seeing I had a coupon for these new torpedos, I jumped at the chance to try this $4 sub for a mere $2, and sadly, it wasn't worth it. There were 5 choices and I decided to try the pesto turkey. They took out a skinny sub bun which was probably 8 inches long, cut it in half, squirted some pesto goo on one side, a oily vinegar on the other, a dismal amount of turkey (which they measured to make sure it was a pathetic weight) and a few slices of cheese. From there, it was sent through the toasting machine. Once toasted, a few tiny pieces of tomato were placed on the sub along with unappealing pieces of lettuce. And BAMN! It was a completed sandwich. How lame, boring, and unoriginal. And the taste? Seeing how there was very little on this sub to command a flavor, it was pretty plane. And with the oil goop on it, it did very little to please my taste buds or health conscious mentality. Not worth the $4 as cheap as it is. Goto Subway for a $5 sub or Chiptole for a massive $6 burrito.

Looking for something new and not more of the old? Or maybe just something as good as, if not better, than subway and 10x better than Quiznos? Don't fall for their antics, go to Cousins.

WHAT THE HELL!?

2009-03-17T11:28:00.000-07:00

What a terrible DVD cover. I am really sick of DVD packaging ruining movie posters; going beyond the destruction of artfulness and turning it into a B-movie at best. Yes, I realize they need changes sometimes to put FACES on the DVD cover in order to make money (to some degree) but too often it makes it look AWFUL. What the hell is going on with this? It's like he is being sucked away by an alien spaceship!

LOST Babies

2009-03-16T21:17:00.000-07:00

I was a late bloomer on the LOST train. That is the ABC show, of course. In fact, when it first came out, I thought it was a reality show with some sort of science-fiction twist. After finding out that it was in fact a real TV program, I became interested and soon enough, hooked.

There are some great story telling concepts in LOST. The science fiction doesn't really become full-blown until season 5, so there is no reason to avoid it in fear of a nerd-fest. An aspect that I appreciate is the use of flashbacks to give character (knowledge of history) to the characters. This is much like The Nine (a cancelled ABC show) in reverse. Only LOST came out first and doesn't suck.

Taking place on a deserted island, I wondered how long a show could last considering you could only explore so much of each character's history... or could you. It seemed that every flashback revealed more twists and interwoven connections between characters. What if... just what if we explore all outlets of every character that the only solution left is to revert back to their infant past to reveal that they all attended the same day care as children. And that's what got me thinking.

With so many twists and overlapping tales between character's past and history, a door opened with an endless road of discovery. And by discovery I mean spin-offs. Every time Jack goes on one of his ignorant tirads I think back to his briefly explored childhood and how he was probably the know-it-all kid, spouting off his opinions as truth. And what better way to capture this? A cartoon spin-off of LOST featuring the characters as youngins in darecare: LOST Babies. Only instead of real actors it's a cartoon, and more specifically, a remix of Muppet Babies episodes edited as the LOST characters.

My favorite internet videos to date are the GI JOE remixes by Eric Fensler. Brilliantly funny and creative in their own way, I knew LOST Babies was a similar project, with one major problem: no creative control over dialog, being dependent on not just spoken dialog, but audio that is clean of jungle noises, music, and the ocean crashing. If I am to remix Muppet Babies cartoons and dub over LOST audio, I will not only be limited to the dialog I can record, but I will also have to sit and edit through a vast, never ending supply of LOST episodes to slowly extract usable dialog.

So after building a small and gowing database of LOST audio samples and finding a chunk of Muppet Babies episodes (which are a hard find since they won't be released on DVD anytime soon for similar reasons as the fate of The Wonder Years), I have come close to the completion of the first three episodes. Who knows where this will take me from here. Only time will tell.

Fun! Fun! Minigolf: A Review

2009-03-11T14:37:00.000-07:00

Fun! Fun! Minigolf is available for purchase online for the Nintendo Wii as "Wii Ware."

Out of the few critical mistakes this game made, one plagues this game with a deathly curse [for failure]. This mistake is a new invented rule of "out of bounds."

No, I'm not talking about when you hit that ball too hard and it flies out of the brick boundary onto the grass. I'm talking about a new rule, where a chalky line is drawn around the hole on every hole. If your first shot does not stop within this circle, you are OUT OF BOUNDS and must re-shoot. Once your ball stops within this circle, it is nearly impossible to miss your put. Therefore, this really isn't a minigolf game, but rather a scheme to get a 1-2 par per hole. This alters the game into being the stupid trick to get a hole in one [trying over and over again] rather than the skills to put the ball in the fewest putts.

Other problems: less creativity in the design. Most of the obstacles are just planted on the coarse. A stone here, a brick there - little creativity with hills (if any) and options such as routes to take per hole. The game has 3 courses, but each are only 9 holes. Since when did minigolf become a game of 9 holes? Lastly, the law of geometry and the 'angle of refraction' (referring to bouncing of walls the same angle you hit them) does not apply. There are a few holes that because we are forced to get a hole in one, is impossible to play because the bouncing off the walls doesn't work.

These smaller problems would be easily overlooked if there was no OUT OF BOUNDS rule - which was probably created to compensate the limited memory of the game to simplify the camera angles to only two spots per hole. Sadly, as much fun as this game is, this silly rule ruins any fun you should have. I love it, but also hate it deeply, which hinders any desire to play this again.

Thar She Grows!

2008-12-06T16:34:00.000-08:00

(LEFT TO RIGHT: Avacado Tree, Blueberry Bush, Mexican Lime Tree, Banana Tree)

Gardening has become a treasured hobby of mine. It blends my OCD need to constantly guide something and have 100% control over it, constantly fixing it, seeing the progress and changes, and my love to create and play God, not to mention cooking my own veggies in the end. Not all things plant-like are worthy of my time; to some extent, the plant needs to serve a purpose. A purpose to me, of course.

Living in Los Angeles, one of the greatest growing zones in the world, I can pretty much grow anything I choose. And with the internet, I can order crazy exotic seeds and plants and have them shipped to me. In the image above, the plant in the ceramic colored pot is a Blue Java Banana Tree, otherwise known as an Ice Cream Banana Tree, so by the end of next summer, I should have my very own rare, never-tasted bananas! If it's grown, I can grow it here.

And no, this image is not all of ym plants, it's just a snippit. For now, I am growing purple tomatillos, cherry peppers, red & orange & hybrid peppers, pablano chiles, beets, strawberries, Birds of Paradise (American and Hawaiian), lemons, tomatoes, rosemary, basil, eggplant, peppermint, broccoli, artichoke, and a wide variety of vines and plants and such. What does the future hold for me? Only time will tell.

The Napkin Dilemma

2008-11-14T10:14:00.000-08:00

Napkins are rarely placed in their holders properly. In order for a consumer to grasp a napkin, there needs to be something to grab and pull. Most devices allow a small space within their holding bin for an eager patron to grab napkins. Problem is, more often than not, the employee who stocks the napkins put them in backwards or upside-down. Either the fold or the flap is inaccessible, causing us to tear apart a napkin, rendering it useless. That, or we have to dig our hands in deep and grab a stack of napkins, a number far too many needed for our meal or hand-drying.

Who Shot Mr. Burns - Ongoing Mystery

2008-10-18T16:46:00.000-07:00

I have been a Simpsons junky for a very long time. I regret that I can no longer say I have seen every episode, but I can safely say I have episodes from seasons 2-12 memorized forward and backward. I could write a novel or two on The Simpsons and my different theories and thoughts, but let's cut to the chase with this specific detail that has been a brain twister of mine for years.

The end of the 6th season left us with a murder mystery - Who shot Mr. Burns? I noticed an inconsistency with this mystery and although I don't believe it alters the result and means of these joint episodes, it has become a puzzle that I cannot solve.

Let's start at the beginning. In episode 118 (2f12), Homie the Clown, Homer goes to clown college and learns to become a regional Krusty; it's a perfect fit as the two characters look alike (this was an intentional design from the beginning of the series that Homer has kids who don't look up to him yet they adore a clown that is a mere image of their father). So from this episode, Homer gains the knowledge to dress like Krusty the clown. He is almost an exact double, except for his nose and hair. Krusty the clown has a circle nose, while homer's nose is a large "U," and Homer's top tussle of hair is always off center.

In Who Shot Mr. Burns, Mr. Burns is shot and the town gathers around the sun dial in shock looking on at Mr. Burn's body. I am convinced that Homer is dressed up as Krusty and I have proof. There are some inconsistencies, but it still boggles my mind. Here are the facts:

Krusty couldn't have been there for the same reason Smithers was absent from the scene: he was watching Pardon My Zinger (some Comedy Central show we have never seen).
The nose. Krusty's nose is not a circle but a mere red coloring job of Homer's "U" nose.
The hair. Krusty's top tussle of hair is off center.

So the question remains - why? What is the purpose of this? Whatever the answer is, it becomes greyer knowing that a minute before the shooting Homer was dressed in regular attire, making his dress change rather difficult.

PB Jars of DEATH

2008-10-14T20:46:00.001-07:00

I'm a good guy. I am replacing regular light bulbs with energy bulbs, I bought biodegradable kitchen bags, and I recycle. So why do I risk the safety of my hands every time I try to clean out my empty jars of PB? I like to throw my to-be recycled objects in the bin nice and clean - PB jars are tricky, especially with their razor sharp inner rim. Whats with this? Let's say I wasn't even cleaning it, but merely wanting some PB and without a spoon or knife, I'd be forced to slice up my hands to score me some sweet, sweet goodness. SWEET GOODNESS! The peanut butter people need to know this is a danger and threat to all peanut-butter loving people.

Godfather 3: Godfather Begins/Returns/TGK

2008-09-15T11:50:00.001-07:00

This has been a lingering thought of mine for quite some time: Godfather 3 should be re-made. It is not a good movie for many reasons, one of which is that the young actors are laced in heavy make-up to appear much older. So why not re-make Godfather 3? It’s the perfect film to re-make. The script can easily be re-written to be interesting and make sense, Sofia can be recast, and Al & Diane can act their age and not pretend to be older than they are. BAMN!

Gimmie

2008-09-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

(from June, 2008)

Everyone wants something for nothing. At least that is the way in Hollywood. It's unbelievable the crap people expect of others, especially strangers. In some cases it makes sense. You are making a short film that is costing you $3,000 that you don't have. You are stretching every possible resource you can possibly think of. If you paid for additional help, it would cost for more money, of which, you still don't have; so it makes sense to ask for people to help you out for free. Of course, people who work for free are not the most qualified, but they are eager for experience. They get the on set working education they are seeking and if they are lucky, some food and a credit on IMDB.

But this goes beyond indy film productions. It escalates to labor, creative problem solving, and professional work. Just check out Craigslist (especially in LA) and click FILM/TV jobs or just anywhere in the GIGS section. People want so much for nothing, it's ridiculous.

None of this is really surprising to me by now. I squandered for 6 months working random jobs before landing my current position, which still pays me below my cost of living so I am still forced to find random gigs (oh, I am no longer working at TeleFund, FYI), so I am well aware of the jobs out there to work and lose money on at the same time.

One post I responded to was very promising. At least, it was at first:

TOP REALITY SHOW SEEKS ORIGINAL ARTWORK
We area reality/competition show for the high-end interior decorators, currently going into our second season. Last season we averaged over one million viewers per episode. This season we are going to offer our designers access to a collection of artwork from a variety of local artists to use in the rooms they decorate. Most artwork will be returned at the end of the season (May). Please email us your work.

I replied giving a link to my paintings. Surprisingly, I received an email back. This rarely happens on craigslist; any somewhat interesting post will generate hundreds of emails, there is a minute chance yours will ever be opened. Landing a response is amazing and an interview is a rarity. "I'm writing to let you know we are interested in featuring your art on our show, Top Design. Please read the attached letter for all the details, and feel free to call me with any questions."

The letter was interesting, but bared little or no terms of me lending (or selling) my artwork. It was for the most part a short informative letter describing the show. I'll sum up the basics:

Season 2 of a Bravo show called Top Design - a reality show for professional interior decorators.
Submitted art will be in a collection the professional decorators choose from for their decorating (no guarantee your art will be chosen or featured on the show).
The majority of artwork will be returned at the completion of filming. A few pieces, however, will not be returned at all.
We believe this is an exciting opportunity for local artists.
Please feel free to call me with any questions.

Wow. This was interesting. No information on pay, let alone insurance or the handling of artwork, or even what it meant by "a few pieces will not be returned at all." What was this? I called Jenn, the producer, 4 times throughout the next day. She was not in and I decided to leave her a voice mail knowing how Hollywood communication works. I asked what the terms where for using my artwork on the show. She called me back a few hours later and luckily, I was away from my phone. She left me a voice mail and let me know that there was no payments for artwork and everything on the show is donated. And, should my work be selected, it would be prominently featured on the show and acknowledged in the credits. The lucky paintings that make it all the way through to the end would not be returned.

Well that's just fine and dandy. It makes sense that a million dollar corporation donates their $30 drapes for a show. They have thousands of them, they can afford it and it's certainly cheaper and more effective than advertising; but a local artist? Each of my paintings have over $100 worth of paint on them alone - not to mention the cost of the canvas and the time I spent putting it all together - plus all the time I would be spending to donate them on this show. Are they serious? Artists actively pursuing their profession have enough problems trying to afford food - at what point would giving away hundreds of dollars and hours of work be an interest let alone an option? Especially to a media giant such as NBC Universal? (Yes, every media outlet is owned by only a few companies).

And you know whomever will be keeping the lucky few paintings that won't be returned will be a few well-off white people. It will hang high in a professionally decorated beautiful room, filled with a bunch of other free shit. And let's not forget to congratulate Bravo for eliminating production costs by not having to hire union writers, union actors, or pay for items on the show. Maybe if they let me donate my artwork they will let me be a PA on their show for free. I can only hope

It's BIG

2008-08-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

(from 03/08)

I've always had my troubles finding the perfect computer wallpaper. Most wallpaper images online are poorly saved, leaving you with a screen of digital artifacts and the empty thought of "how can I just do this myself?" I recently made a great stride in my life-long aspiration to have the coolest computer wallpaper ever. It's a bit of a process, but it's worth it:

Download a HD movie trailer
Find the frame you like, freeze it, and blow up the movie as large as it goes (even if it goes beyond your screen)
Frame grab the screen with GRAB application (in utilities). Take two pictures if the movie is too big to fit on your screen.
If two pictures, merge them together in PHOTOSHOP.
In PHOTOSHOP - edit the picture to fit the same resolution as your screen.
BAMN! You have it.

My Simpsons creation from this morning has perfect screen ratio and a very high-resolution image, leaving me with a fantastic view of Springfield everytime I close a window on my computer. The frame itself was super-widescreen, so I added a few inches of blue on the top and a few clouds in there for fun. Problem is, I am stuck with only recent movie trailers to choose from. I will master the wallpaper grabs from DVDs. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday.

When will I be Fired from Telefund

2008-08-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

(from 02/08)

If I told myself that I would have this job a year ago I wouldn't believe it. I can hardly believe it now, which is probably why I won't be that concerned when I am fired.

I moved to Los Angeles on June 13, 2006. It was a blind move, only knowing one person in the city; yet I was filled with hopes, dreams, and aspirations for what the LA had to offer me. Yes, I was one of the tens of thousands of people who moved here in 2006 and it took me just over five months to rack up a nice production resume and land an assistant job, working for an indy producer. This job put to rest my daily routine of checking job postings online and applying to 5-20 jobs [a day]. I've been at this job now for over a year and I'm still at the bottom of the game when it comes to earning a decent, livable, human wage. Without going into details, let's just say that I made more money when I was in grad school. Yes, I am telling you the truth.

Los Angeles is a very expensive city to live in. We have a cute little subway here, but access is limited: most people don't take it and if you do, chances are it doesn't take off or land close to where you would like it to. So the end result is paying about $300, if not more, on your car each month. $100 in gas, $100 for insurance, and $100 for upkeep. Traffic in LA is enough to want to kill people (that or move far, far away), but that aside, it's something you are forced to endure and throw money down the drain for. So in a nutshell, it's an expensive city to live in, which is even harder to to enjoy when you make next to nothing, have to shell out a large percentage of your wage on your car, and have a stack of medical bills to pay because some prick chopped your Tibia in half while playing soccer (stay tuned for this story).

So a few months ago I began to scramble for some extra cash. I began checking craigslist everyday for random part-time jobs and one-time creative gigs. Problem is, it being LA and everyone else needing more money because they too are in the entertainment field trying to work their way up, everything is hot competition. Any seemingly prospective post online will result in hundreds (at least) of applicants, starving for the position. Skipping my random tutoring gigs, my many job applications, and a variety of job information sessions I attended, I finally landed a part time job at Telefund (website).

Telefund services progressive non-profit groups (such as ACLU, HRC, Sierra Club, and many others) with fundraising. There are offices nationwide and many details I could explain, but overall, it's all pretty basic. I work four-hour shifts and make phone calls to the already members or past contributors of these groups, asking them to either renew their membership or give more money. I could go into the specific details, but it's really not that exciting; I make phone calls. I have my own computer and headset and am required to make a specific quota (number of pledges verse amount of contributions) or else I am in the hot seat. It's a lot like golf. When I am down, below the quota, I become insanely stressed. Stressed that I won't make enough money to keep my job and stressed that I just plain suck at this seemingly basic job. Yet, when I make a sale (pledge) I become invinceable. The $100 membership renewal puts my stats ahead of the room and I am GOD. Until I make four more phone calls, all no's, and I am back in the hot seat yet again.

Employment at Telefund has a big revolving door. The supervisors have a constant job to seek out new callers. There are always posts online for new employees, not to mention the lengthy training process. Hiring takes six days. Initial interview, which everyone should pass, then a shadow shift, following a top caller, and then four individual shifts of training, where your expectations are lower than the average caller. On any given week, there should be at least five new callers testing out their training shifts. With a room of only 50 computer stations for callers, this proves that the turnover rate is a concern.

This is how it is at Telefund. I am new there, less than two months, and I am still improving. Every week they post the rankings sheet. I am always in the bottom 40%. This may be bad, but I'm near the top of the list: best of the worst, have you. It's for a good cause, so I can't hate it. But since everyone of these groups have a website, there should be no reason they hire Telefund to make these calls. Why on Earth would someone agree to contribute through a fundraising campaign? I wouldn't. Go online and make your same contribution: you will reduce solicitations AND more of your contribution will go to fight your actual cause, not toward fundraising phone calls. Why support it? Why is it necessary? Well, in life, I suppose everyone needs a human voice for support and encouragement. To loose weight, to read books and get a degree, and maybe even to keep in touch with society and give back a little. It's a great thing that I do at Telefund. It's extremely stressful and rewarding at the same time, so when the day comes that they decide that I am too low in the rankings and kick me out the door, I don't know if I'll be depressed or relieved.